


I love you, however...

by Lyson



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Age Difference, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, Minor Violence, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-10
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 19:14:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/677918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyson/pseuds/Lyson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He sits in a bar...waiting to see if his lover is truly being unfaithful to him... it hurts even to think about it and he can't figure out why...but he blames himself. A story about unfaithfulness, it hurts to be deceived by the person you love. (With Cover Art)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I love you, however...

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or its characters
> 
> I wrote this because I'm annoyed with all the fanfiction out there making Edward hard up for Roy Mustang...I mean seriously.
> 
> Cover art By Lyson
> 
> Manga-Verse

 

 

 

* * *

_I love you, however..._

* * *

Roy sat at a bar he had only been in once or twice since he’d transferred to Central, he had an untouched shot of rich amber brown liquid sitting in a glass between his arms, but he made no move to drink it. Instead he opted for staring at the shiny bar counter top, with its various circular water patterns from glasses, bottles and the smudges of people’s less than clean hands when they passed over the bar.

The noise of the busy place sounded like a hum in his ears because he’d tuned it out, he wasn’t there for the atmosphere, the fun or the people.

He wasn’t there for a drink even.

He wasn’t in **this** particular bar for any reason other than to hurt himself further, he supposed.

He’d never been privy to emotional hurt before, not until recently…and it was because of Edward Elric.

Looking back on the decision to take the then 17 year old Edward to bed, it had seemed like a bad choice then too, he’d remembered continuously questioning himself on it in the beginning. There were many reasons why it was _never_ a good idea when he thought about it and Edward wasn’t really even his type to begin with.

Not just that he was another man, Roy wasn’t a stranger to same sex relations, it was because he’d never dated anyone with a personality even remotely like Edward’s. Roy had always preferred quiet types, self-conscious types, fake types.

The kind of lover who’d be anyone they thought you’d prefer just to please you.

Dating someone as _real_ as Edward was dangerous, because it was _real_ and so grew the feelings.

Still he’d gone right ahead and jumped headlong into boisterous sex with his once subordinate and he’d discovered that Edward was no child…and then some, he’d discovered that even he could learn new things…he’d discovered Edward had a vividly sexual imagination…

Of course sex had been one thing, he didn’t scold himself for getting caught up in Ed’s flesh, after all, it was an extremely attractive specimen of flesh. He could never deny he enjoyed every inch of Edward’s body beneath his hands, his lips, his own flesh…around him, that profane mouth saying his name, screaming it sometimes, kissing him as if Roy’s mouth tasted like honey…overwhelming, Edward was overwhelming.

He sighed, no he couldn’t be faulted for giving into that particular thing. Edward had offered sex and Roy had accepted it, Edward had been 17, an adult by state law and he’d been sure it was what he wanted, he’d even been cocky and flirtatious about it.

He stared at his untouched drink now as the emotional pain vexed him.

His biggest mistake was that he’d gone ahead like a stupid fuck and fallen in love with Edward.

Stupid stupid fuck.

He hadn’t thought for a second it was even possible…but waking up next to Edward in bed in the mornings went from being an incentive for more sex, to morning kisses, cuddles and shared breakfasts.

He clenched his fists atop the bar as he thought of cuddling with Edward, holding him, placing chaste kisses to his neck and shoulders…it had been nicer than Roy wanted to give it credit for, especially when his nose was buried in silken pale gold blonde locks of the former Fullmetal Alchemist.

Why the hell did Edward’s hair always smell so great anyway? Even when he sweat from sex or exercise, even after he’d been cooking and surrounded by oils and spices, even when he didn’t wash it for a few days, surely Roy was just losing his sense of smell if it all smelled so good to him?

It aggravated him now when all was said and done…well not done yet. He hadn’t made any decisions…which made him kind of pathetic.

He didn’t know if he could blame Edward even if Edward was at fault, totally and completely wrong.

He felt a little to blame for being stupid enough to fall for Edward as hard and as quickly as he did, the little things that pushed him over that edge. He got caught up in showering with him, cooking with and for him, having him stay over so often he might as well have moved in, his company became necessary. He though sadly on their kisses on the couch and in his study, sweet and unassuming kisses that didn’t always lead to sex. Moments when they’d laugh at a personal joke or something they found funny, moments when Edward would look at him as if he were the only man in the world that mattered.

His golden eyes were so beautiful…and so dishonest.

He placed his face in hand and swallowed thickly, hating the lump forming in his throat and the inability to make a decision, it was hurting his usually formidable pride.

And the humming of this bar in his ears was starting to annoy him as well.

He didn’t forget why he was here though.

He removed his hand from his face and knocked back the shot of brandy before adjusting the upturned collar of his coat, keeping his face hidden from anyone besides the bar tender, who was not really interested in him anyway. He wore casual clothes underneath his grey coat, he knew he fit in easily amongst the Friday night drinkers, like he did in the bar he was usually in.

In these places no one cared who you were unless they were there to meet you.

Although this was not a bar he ever even really considered coming to…no, this was Edward’s dive.

Cramped space, party lighting, livelier music, younger crowd…just short of being a club really.

Edward was 20 years old…

Roy was 34…

Their ages were very different…their likes and dislikes mostly dissimilar…yet their nightly sex romps had turned into nightly engagements not limited to sex, but dinners, movies, theatre and visiting friends, they’d grown used to each other and compromised for each other.

Their conversations about Amestris, alchemy and work had turned into conversations about which laundry detergent they both liked and where they’d spend Roy’s vacation time each year. Their arguments went from yelling just to be heard to arguing to resolve their differences. Their kisses went from lustfully desperate to expressing their feelings in the moment, whether it was happiness, need, apologies, sweetness, want, sadness…love…

Edward had said he loved Roy, in fact he said it often, whether or not Roy said it first.

In the three years they’d been a couple…an open and well known **couple** , Edward and he had shared love, a home, a life…

Now it was revealed to have meant more to him than Edward.

He glanced around the area behind him via the mirrors, looking over the unfamiliar people and faces, he searched their faces, stupidly thinking he’d be able to pick the nameless faceless cause of his pain from within the crowd just by looking.

But that was just silly.

He caught the bartenders eyes as he walked by and the well-built man stopped, Roy pointed to his glass with a nod and the bartender quickly gave him another shot before moving on down the bar.

He figured drinking wasn’t a good idea considering the circumstances of him being there.

Roy swallowed back the drink and brushed his black bangs back up into his hair, leaving his hand there as he stared at the empty glass.

He hadn’t even suspected anything, he hadn’t even thought it was odd that Edward didn’t always say where he’d been when asked. He didn’t think anything of it when Edward would come home and take a shower before he even bothered to eat anything or say hello properly, why he didn’t always offer a greeting kiss before he’d had a chance to slip into the bathroom, he didn’t question why Edward would avoid certain cinema’s or restaurants, claiming he didn’t like it there even though Roy didn’t know that to be true.

He’d never even suspected…a fucking thing.

It wasn’t until he’d visited Edward’s apartment –which Ed insisted on keeping even though he basically lived with Roy- while waiting for Edward to get done in the bathroom so they could go out to dinner. He’d found a receipt from something earlier in the week in his coat pocket and being in Edward’s bedroom waiting for the younger man he walked over to Edward’s  bedroom dustbin in the far corner…

…and he saw empty condom wrappers lying in the bottom, shiny silver and red squares packages…empty…implying they’d been used…recently.

His heart had skipped a beat, the hotness of shock and panic swept over him making him swallow nervously a few times. He’d looked away from the bin, walking around to the foot of the bed, he looked around the room, it was relatively tidy and the bed was made, it looked like it wasn’t used, which made sense because Edward had been at his house all of that week…

…the condom wrappers said otherwise. Or where they old? How old? Years old? He and Edward didn’t use condoms, not for the last two and half years…

He ignored the nausea in his stomach and the tingling panic crawling along his spine when he heard the bathroom door open and he turned around, Edward emerged from his en-suite with a towel round his waist and gave Roy a winning smile, he’d tried to smile back but could only just manage.

He hadn’t over reacted, he hadn’t said anything.

He didn’t want to jump to conclusion right then, reason with himself that condoms were also another means of lubrication during masturbation, Roy knew this…it was a flimsy idea but he held onto it…

It was after the condom incident when other odd behavioral patterns of Edward’s became suspicious, everything he’d not noticed before started to feel really strange and unsettling.

Things started to change – for Roy.

Edward was an amazing liar…and Roy started to resent him deeply for it.

Edward kissed him, Edward smiled at him, Edward even initiated sex with him frequently.

When it became too much, when the worry, second guessing, questions and paranoia became too much for him, he’d finally hired someone to follow Edward around for a few days. He hadn’t been about to hire a stranger and risk a leak and scandal of any information, good or bad –he had to think of his position as General of the military- so he’d asked Jean Havoc to do it.

He felt pathetic telling his suspicions to Jean, even though he said it in as cold and detached a tone of voice as possible, making it sound like business. Jean had taken the assignment easily and even had the good natured manner to tell Roy that he didn’t have anything to worry about, Ed was a good guy.

Three days later, Monday morning Jean sat across from him in his work office looking sad, pitying and sorry as he told a different story, one that made it clear Edward was no good guy.

Roy had been subtly shaking as he listened to Jean relay the information by order.

The taller blonde hadn’t wanted to say more than the obvious but Roy insisted.

Jean said it was in a bar, lots of younger men and women, drinking and dancing and necking.

Jean said it happened Saturday night.

 _‘Edward had said he’d be out with some friends._ ’Roy had thought.

Jean said Edward had been there, with two other people, both guys who were around Ed’s own age.

Jean said they were drinking…as if it made a difference.

Jean said quietly that Edward seemed flirtatious with one of the guys in the small group.

Jean hesitantly described him like he would a suspect, Caucasian, early twenties, dirty blonde very short hair, approximately 5 foot 8, blue eyes, casually dressed, tattoo on left arm of and eagle, soldier build.

Roy asked if Jean thought he was a soldier.

Jean said he’d checked, negative.

Roy instructed him to go on. Jean looked bothered but complied.

Jean said the suspect flirted back comfortably.

Jean said it seemed like they knew each other well.

Jean said the suspect was confident enough to stand close to Edward, confident enough to touch him casually.

The tension at that moment in the office had become stifling, Roy was holding his breath and his chest hurt, he didn’t know if he wanted to know more, if it was necessary or if he should just give in to Jean’s hope he would not ask for more details.

But Roy was a man of full facts. He couldn’t make a decision until he knew the extent of the crime.

At his order, Jean steeled himself and angrily continued in a business tone.

Jean said after a while the third man left and Edward and the suspect moved to a pair of open stools at a table.

Jean said the suspect sat down and Edward stood…between his legs.

Jean said they kissed explicitly.

Roy felt his stomach lurch.

Jean said they engaged in publically expectable intimacies.

Roy translated this as mild groping and he swallowed the nausea of his shaking insides.

Jean said they stayed for an hour and 16 minutes longer, drinking and flirting, leaving the bar at 11.22 pm.

Jean said he followed them by foot, they walked exactly 6 blocks.

Jean told him the exact street and address of the apartment building they’d entered together.

With a sigh, Jean said he remained outside the apartment building for two hours until Edward finally made an appearance with the suspect.

Jean said they talked for a few minutes, kissed each other and Edward walked away at a steady pace, not looking back.

They’d sat in silence for several long minutes until Jean shook his head and admitted that he’d wanted to walk up to Edward and beat the shit out of him, smoking his fifth cigarette by that time.

Roy took long pained breaths while he digested the information…that Edward was cheating on him.

It was safe to assume Edward was sleeping with the unnamed suspect, if the two hours in his apartment wasn’t a large clue, the condoms at Ed’s apartment validated it.

Roy stared into the empty glass, he was a little pale after remembering that day when he’d found out for sure.

He didn’t need to be there in the bar, he trusted Jean’s word like he trusted the man with his life.

But he was there, in this bar…waiting for his pain to be amplified.

Edward had said he was going out with friends again, Roy had left the house ten minutes after him and ended up there. Edward had looked as handsome as usual, his long hair pulled up into a neat ponytail, a medium fitted black cotton pull over shirt showed off his shapely upper body and his strong shoulders, the short sleeves highlighted his arm definition as well. He’d been wearing one of his many leather pants that he owned with a pair of black boots…he hadn’t even taken a coat.

Roy had been sitting there for so long with the humming noise in his ears he’d forgotten to look around him for the last ten minutes, so when he felt someone push up to the tight space at bar beside him, he felt a little startled. He didn’t show it though and glanced across at the mirror absently to see who’d been so rude, the first thing he noticed was that the place was twice as full but then he let his brain consider the younger man leaning on the bar next to him.

Roy swallowed and subtly glanced at the man beside him.

Short dirty blonde un-styled hair, he had bright blue eyes, his facial features were sharp and his jaw was defined and clean shaven. He was about Roy’s height if he was standing and he dressed in a jeans and T shirt that fit his lean frame well but not too tightly. He smiled at the bar tender and greeted him with familiarity of a patron, asking for two beers of a brand Roy recognized…because Edward drank it.

Anger and shock washed over him as he realized his stupid idea to show up there had just played out, Edward was here with this man…and he was attractive, he looked friendly enough and he was **young**.

Roy could compete with 2 out of 3 of those things.

But all rolled into one, he was no twenty something anymore.

These days it took more work for him to look as fresh faced and handsome as he always did, he was getting older and despite all of his hair dying attempts, his stressful job as a General had started catching up to him, he found the occasional grey hairs.

He didn’t have time to look after himself the way he used to…but it hadn’t bothered him all this time, Roy knew full well he was still very sought after, not a day went by when he was at work or out where he wasn’t flirted with, or when an old ‘acquaintance’ would call him and ask what he was up to lately and if he wanted to get together.

But he’d turned them down…because he was with Edward.

But apparently he wasn’t enough for Edward.

He knew he really shouldn’t feel inadequate because Edward was being unfaithful…but he really and truly did.

He found that even as he sat trying to control his anger, that he was comparing himself the young man next to him…and he wasn’t measuring up.

The suspect said thanks to the bartender and took the opened beers up in his hands before he disappeared from Roy’s side, he watched him go via the mirror and the crowd and changing lights swallowed him up.

Roy shifted tensely, knowing he should leave. Just leave right then.

But he didn’t listen to himself and instead slipped off the barstool after placing two Cenz notes down under his empty glass. Roy walked along the walls of the bar room, it wasn’t a very large place but it wasn’t really small either and it was crowded. He kept his eyes focused on the people, looking for that familiar blonde hair that he’d ran his fingers through so tenderly at times and gripped tightly during other times.

Since finding out four days ago about Edward’s infidelity Roy had purposely worked late to avoid any kind of run in with Ed...they hadn’t had sex since the previous week…Wednesday.

It wasn’t long ago yet Roy felt like it had been ages, it was the distance between them more than anything.

Now though it made him angry to even think about the fact he’d been sleeping with Edward while he’d been sleeping with someone else. Roy had been many things in his day, he’d dated many women, dated a few men, he’d had casual sex of many kinds…but he’d never had more than one sex partner at a time…and he’d never **cheated!**

 He felt so angry and the bar was so hot, he could feel himself sweat slightly in agitation.

He was just about to go a little farther around the dance area when he spotted Edward, people moved in and out of his field of vision, blocking Edward every so often but not badly. Roy shifted backward so the lights overheard weren’t on him but in front of him, it didn’t hide him completely but the place was busy enough that he didn’t think he’d be spotted.

The last thing he needed was to lose it in this place and kill the bastard…whether he meant Ed or his fuck buddy he wasn’t sure. He just knew he was angry and having a hard time breathing calmly.

He watched them.

They were at a table against a back wall, Edward was sitting on a stool leaning his back against the wall, taking sips from his beer. The other man was leaning against the high table more or less in front of Edward.

For several minutes they just talked and he watched Edward laugh and smile…like he did when they talked about lighter subjects.

He wondered how Edward could be here…thinking Roy was at home…knowing how he waited for him on night’s like this.

Didn’t he feel anything?

It didn’t look like it.

Nothing happened that really made him more than angry until the suspect- although by now the stranger was proven guilty- stepped into Ed’s personal space. He stepped comfortably between his leather clad legs, one hand placing the beer bottle down on the table while his other hand unobtrusively slid along the leather over one of Ed’s thighs.

When they kissed Roy’s heart broke…in every sense of the metaphorical words, every feeling besides immense **loss** had drained away from him.

He watched as the –much younger- man he loved, lived with and thought he’d known so well, leaned his head back and parted his lips for another man’s tongue to engage his own. He watched as Ed’s hands slid around the lean torso of his company and pulled him closer as he openly kissed back…Roy knew how incredible Edward’s kisses were…how good he was with his tongue.

His vision didn’t stay very clear and when he blinked he grimaced at the fact that he’d been about to tear up.

He forced his constitution to reassert itself but for a split second Roy felt himself lose it, he pushed himself off the wall and very nearly clapped his hands together so he could set the filth between Edward’s legs on fire and watch him burn and scream in pain.

But he was very lucky…he knew it, when someone bumped into him by accident and brought him back to reality. The painful reality of it was that Edward was cheating him...whether the other man knew about Roy or not, he owed Roy nothing…he was not at fault. Not where Roy and Edward were concerned.

He shook his head, trying to clear the cloudy anger from his mind and he made his way the way he’d come and toward the exit. When he reached it and he wobbled out into the open cool air, he pressed a hand to his face and bit back a groan, his chest hurt so badly.

It hurt…it hurt to be lied to and deceived by someone you love.

He loved Edward…he didn’t understand where things had gone wrong.

He barely glanced back at the doors of the bar before he started walking in the direction he knew Jean had said they’d gone in Saturday night…he made his way to the exact address.

He didn’t know if he was waiting to confront Edward or just waiting to torture himself some more.

But he waited anyway.

He knew they were sleeping together…he didn’t need to **know** it firsthand, yet he waited.

He figured some part of him was hoping to find a moment to char the fucker to cinders.

More than an hour passed as Roy sat on steps of another building across the street from the designated apartment building. In the time he sat there he found himself wallowing and questioning himself, the angrier part of himself questioned and berated Edward for hurting him this way…

…but it all came back to the fact that he felt inadequate. Roy tried to convince himself he was just reacting badly to the first romantically emotional pain he’d ever been dealt. He tried to convince himself that blaming himself was part of the process and that soon he’d blame Edward because it was **his** fault, his wrong doing.

But regardless of that…right then it was just Roy questioning and second guessing himself while he stalked his unfaithful lover.

He questioned whether he’d been affectionate enough, whether he was boring as company, whether he needed to cater to Ed’s preferences in the house and in bed more, although he thought he did already. He questioned whether they should have gone out more. He thought maybe he should have asked Edward more about his work, even on days when Edward seemed like he didn’t want to talk about anything. He felt maybe he should have been more spontaneous, open minded…he even questioned the one thing he never ever questioned…whether he was satisfying Edward sexually.

He’d never had reason to think he wasn’t…as far as he knew it was always amazing and when it wasn’t amazing it was great, it never went any lower than great sex between them.

But then he had to wonder why Edward would seek anything from another man if he was doing everything right.

He was sitting with his face in his hands, elbows on his knees when he heard Edward’s voice carry through the quiet streets. They were talking about some person Roy didn’t know, he just paid attention to the easiness of Ed’s tone, he sounded so relaxed.

Eventually the pair came into view between the few cars parked in the street and Roy felt surprising anger at the fact that they were holding hands…that seemed like an intimate thing to do.

They walked straight into the building without looking around and he managed to keep himself from following them, there was no way doing something like that would end well for anyone. Or end alive.

He sat for a half hour, just sitting as his chest and the emotional pain dithered to a dull ache in his head. Roy stood up and walked away from the building and the general area at a calm pace, he walked passed the bar and eventually over to his car parked further down. He got in and drove himself home.

All the time thinking of how pathetic he was.

* * *

 

It was almost two a.m when Roy –sitting in the lounge for hours after having taken some headache pills- heard the front door open.

There was a moment’s pause before the front door closed and was locked and then Ed’s heavy booted steps could be heard and Roy raised his dark blue eyes to regard the younger man.

Edward stood under the foyer arch and frowned at Roy across the fully lit lounge,

“You’re still up…don’t you have work tomorrow?” he asked as he stood there, at that distance from Roy he noticed Ed seemed calm…considering what he had to hide.

Roy felt a strange detachment from the situation now that he knew it wholly, he found when he looked at Edward, he could pretend it wasn’t real. Sure Edward’s shirt seemed a little creased and knowing what he did, it almost seemed like Edward was standing naked before him…naked and cheap.

…but he blinked the thought away and kept his trademark cool façade a he stood up slowly from the single seat chair he was sitting in, he still wore his clothes from earlier, minus his coat, a black button up shirt and a black pants,

“You know Saturday work is optional.”

He saw Edward fidget as he flashed a small grin at Roy’s now standing form,  
“Not with Riza it isn’t.” he joked then made the expected subject change, “…I’m gonna take a shower real quick, will you still be up when I’m done.”

“Why don’t you have coffee with me before you shower…” Roy said smoothly, even though he had an urge to walk over and punch Edward straight in his lying mouth.

Edward didn’t even hedge,

“I’ve been drinking, I don’t want coffee…” he said without missing a beat and stepped in the direction of the stairs, “…but I’ll come down when I’m done.” He walked like nothing had happened.

He walked like he hadn’t just come from being fucked by some other man.

“Edward.” Roy’s voice was firm, resolute and it stopped Edward in his tracks.

The blonde turned to face him, his ponytail swinging behind him,

“Yeah, Roy?” he asked evenly.

“Come here.” Roy said it shortly and looked at Edward directly as he stood without moving at his chair.  
“Roy, I…-”

“Come here…Edward.” He insisted and made sure Edward saw the assertion in his cold gaze.

For the first time…he saw Edward hesitate in his actions.

The blonde glanced around, feigning annoyance when Roy knew it was worry he felt and he sighed and slowly walked over, stopping about a meter away.

Roy narrowed his eyes at the slightly shorter man, Edward’s complete height was level with Roy's forehead since he’d turned 18.

Instead of insisting Edward close the meter between them, Roy did so and he almost grabbed out because he saw Edward consider back stepping but when he didn’t Roy found it made him even angrier.

Edward was so confident…

“What’s wrong, Roy? Did I get back too late?” he actually sounded like he was sincerely asking.

Roy resisted the urge to hit him…again.

Edward could beat the shit out of him but Roy would at least like to see him spit blood first. But he never made the move to do it…not yet, it was hard not to though…he was so angry.

“Where were you?” he was glad he sounded so casual.

“I was at a bar near Florent.” He said easily and slipped his hands into his pockets.

That wasn’t a lie, Florent was a restaurant near that ba,r Roy knew this but again, Ed’s boldness only angered him…on top of that standing just a foot from Edward he could see him better, he looked closer.

He looked for **it** this time.

Edward’s face looked a little tired, his skin looked very slightly blotchy…especially around his mouth and on his neck and jaw line, his hair had a less light texture to it, some of his bangs were limp around his face like he’d been sweating and for the fact he’d licked his lips at least three times in the half minute Roy looked him over…it told Roy his mouth was probably dry.

Nothing dried a person’s mouth out like being kissed for a long time.

Roy raised his shaking hands to his face and pressed it into his eyes as he turned his head away from Edward,

“Roy?” Edward’s voice brought him back before he could forget himself.

He turned to Edward, lowering his hands and swallowed thickly before raising one hand again and placing it on Ed’s cheek…lightly.

Edward glanced at the hand and Roy felt him lean away from it, all the same he ran his thumb over the sticky texture of Ed’s skin. He saw it right then in his mind as he looked over his lover of three years.

He pictured Edward on his back with **that** guy on top of him rutting and it was all skin, noises and it was painful to think about it but hard not to.

He leaned his head forward and sniffed Ed’s hair, at this the blonde finally pulled back and away from his hand to step back,

“Why the hell are you smelling me?” he looked worried now…not guilty, just worried.

Roy’s cold glare fell away, he felt his gaze turn weak and pathetic as he regarded Edward,

“You smell…like…se…” he wanted to say sex because it was so true, sex, sweat and unfamiliar cologne, “…like smoke.” He finished and pain crossed his face.

He saw it in Edward’s eyes…Edward knew he hadn’t meant to say smoke…but he had chosen to.

Edward knew Roy had meant to say sex, he wasn’t stupid.

There was silence for a moment before Edward frowned and half shrugged,

“The bar…” he mumbled as an explanation for what they both knew wasn’t the problem.

Roy blinked a few times as his eyes burned, but he wouldn’t cry,

“You…uh…you been going to that… _bar_ …for a long time?” he asked very quietly.

Edward’s face changed completely, now he looked guilty and pale.

Roy watched him swallow and avert his gaze while trying to think of how to answer the indirect question,

“How long…?” Roy repeated.

He heard Edward’s breath catch and then he frowned, he looked a little sad now,

“…uh…” he didn’t look at Roy, he swallowed again, “…about…about a y…a year…” he said very softly.

Roy hadn’t expected that and he clenched his jaw painfully as the tears tried to force their way out of his eyes, he looked at Edward and saw how he hesitantly turned his golden guilty eyes onto Roy.

The older man narrowed his eyes,

“You like that _bar_...Edward?” he sounded angry now.

The blonde frowned,

“Roy, I…-”

“Do you, Edward?” he said over Ed’s quiet excuse to avoid this conversation.

Ed’s breathing was heavier and he nodded,

“Yeah I do…” he said shortly.

Roy did hit him then but it was an open handed slap which was by no means less impactful than a medium force punch, Edward was steady on his feet though and while he stumbled sideways just a bit because of the suddenness of it, he didn’t fall over or even make a sound.

“A year…” Roy seethed quietly as he stared at the reddening, swelling side of Edward’s face, his chest rising and falling heavily and his eyes focused off to the side, “…I thought maybe…a few weeks…maybe a couple of months…” he said harshly as he watched Edward close his eyes and slowly turn his head back to face Roy.

“Does **he** know about me? Am I some fucking joke between the two of you?” Roy didn’t want to step around the subject anymore.

Edward shook his head quickly, making no move to soothe his burning face,

“He-he doesn’t know…”

“Why did you do this to me!?” Roy shouted suddenly and then shook his head, he sniffed from the burn of holding his tears back.

Edward flinched that time,

“Roy…I’m sor…-”

“Shut the fuck up!” he silenced Edward, the blonde finally ran a hand over the burning side of his face and over his chin as a distraction from Roy’s anger.

They breathed loudly in the silence for a while.

Roy’s insides shook as he thought back on how he’d spent the evening waiting and trying to decide what he was going to do. He finally looked at Edward again.

The blonde looked upset, whatever guilt had been there was gone now, he just looked upset in general and his face was a bright red on the left side, the skin risen in the lines of Roy’s fingers and palm.

But other than that he was still gorgeous…still beautiful…he was still Edward.

 **His** Edward.

Roy pursed his lips, he had known that he was going to accept this even before he’d found out completely. Because he loved Edward and even though he was much older and probably so different from the crowd Ed spent his free time with, different from the younger man Edward spent some nights with…Edward always came back and Edward still wanted him, Edward still made love with him and spent most of his time with him.

He must be doing something right…and he wanted to fix this.

“Me or him.” Roy said quietly and kept his eyes on Edward’s face.

He looked startled and confusion crossed his features,

“What?” Ed frowned deeper.

“Me…or him.” Roy repeated.

Edward blinked and looked away from Roy, who felt his stomach bottom out at the look of serious consideration that crossed Ed’s face before he looked at Roy again.

He expected the worst, not only hade he sacrificed his self-respect and pride because he felt like he wasn’t adequate but now Edward was going to choose the other man.

“I…uh…” Ed rubbed his one eye on the sore side of his face, “… **you** , obviously.” He said clearly and not too quietly.

“Why?” Roy asked before he could stop himself, apparently he needed validation he didn’t even realize.

Edward shook his head and his expression turned momentarily to one of almost crying before he was just frowning,

“Because I love you.”

“So you don’t love him?”

“Fuck…no, Roy, no way.” He breathed and his voice broke slightly as he brushed his bangs back in frustration.

Roy still had enough anger to rip Edward apart with questions and accusations but that answer seemed to be just what he subconsciously wanted to hear. Edward loved him and that’s why he stayed with Roy…that was something no one else had besides him, Edward’s love.

That was enough for him.

“You stop seeing him **immediately** , never again Edward.” He choked out.

Edward nodded quickly,

“Yeah…yes…” he sniffed.

“Never…anyone…” he sounded pathetic even to himself.

Edward sniffed again and his voice trembled a little,

“Y-yeah…”

Roy wasn’t convinced…Edward didn’t sound very convincing either.

But he was too scared to insist…in case Edward changed his mind,

“Go take a shower…I’ll be up soon.” He mumbled.

He heard Ed sniff but he’d already looked away and then he heard hurried footsteps, Edward practically ran out of the lounge and up the stairs.

Roy blinked his eyes and a few tears finally slipped over his cheeks, he knew he was pathetic, he knew he was lowering himself to knew esteem-less levels and some part of him _knew_ he’d never be able to trust Edward again.

He wiped the few tears away and stared at his shaking hand…somehow…none of those things could change his mind.

* * *

 

That night once they were in bed, Roy initiated sex with Edward, which he hadn’t done in a while.

When he kissed Edward he felt the hesitation, when he touched Edward’s naked body he was tense and apprehensive underneath Roy’s hands. As he entered him, feeling the laxness of Ed’s muscles he knew he was torturing himself by doing this but he also knew it made Edward unhappy.

The times before when Roy hadn’t known any better, Edward had always said he was too tired and passed over sex…but not tonight.

It had only been an hour ago or so probably that another man had been fucking Edward…his rectum was still pliant and accepting.

So Roy fucked him angrily.

And Edward clung to him and didn’t dare complain.

When it was over and Roy had found his release he  lay on his back staring at his bed canopy while Edward lay breathing quietly beside him, Ed hadn’t cum, but Roy didn’t care right then.

It was probably the worst way to begin this new chapter in their lives.

All the same, minutes later he felt Edward shift and roll over to lie along his side, pressing his face into Roy’s neck and placing a kiss there.

Roy swallowed back a lump in his throat as he turned his face and placed a half kiss on Edward’s cheek from the awkward angle before he rolled onto his side to face him and wrapped his arm over Edward, pulling him close and kissing his lips, once, twice…a few more times before finally settling like that to sleep.

Yes, Roy loved Edward…and he just felt lucky to have him.


	2. You Hold Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the characters of FMA. The OC is mine though. Also, the lyrics belong to Motion City Soundtrack.
> 
> A/n: So it's been a major while since I wrote this story, and I'd been sitting on the idea of a second part for eveeeeer. Mostly because some people felt it needed elaboration, Ed cheating really messed with peoples minds, man. So...awesome. Honestly, I enjoyed the concept of Ed cheating and I still do, I do I do.
> 
> That said, other people really don't, so this follow up will probably get mixed reactions, but I'd like everyone's opinion, good or bad, leave me your thoughts people. I love to read em. 
> 
> NB: Once again, this story was and continues to be inspired by the song 'Hold me down' by Motion City Soundtrack. The lyrics people. They matter.  
> Cover Art by Lyson

_ _

 

* * *

_I love you, however,_   
_You hold me down..._

_How will I break the news to you?_

* * *

Roy really wasn't up to entertaining company but since there was no reason he could give –that he was willing to divulge- for why he didn't want to have anyone over, he knew it would just seem rude to tell Alphonse and Mei that they weren't welcome that day. Especially when they'd always been welcome to lunches and dinners and barbeques and every occasion Roy and Ed had ever decided to host at the house…

But that was just it, Roy and Ed hadn't been the same and the idea of socializing and putting on a happy pretense was stressful, it had been this way ever since Roy had found out about Edward's affair, yes, an **affair**. **Not** a one night stand, **not** a drunken tryst or a lapse in judgment after a fight, or a problem in their relationship and domestic life. No…it had been an **affair.**

How could Roy honestly go back to being the same as they were before? It hadn't occurred to him that he could have at the time, but he also hadn't thought of how hard it would be living with Ed after that. Whether he was plagued by the ever present question of whether he could trust the young, damnably gorgeous, blonde ever again or the reoccurring thoughts and imaginings of Edward sleeping with the attractive anonymous person he'd had a yearlong involvement with, there was no getting past it. Ever.

Edward was getting by though…and it was even more upsetting to Roy that he was succeeding. Regardless of Roy's recent tense, stoic attitude, Ed behaved normally most days. He smiled when he could and laughed, he griped about daily things, he kissed when he thought Roy was receptive, and only sometimes, rarely, in the weeks gone by since Ed's secret liaison had been uncovered, did Roy see apology or anything even remotely resembling regret in his golden gaze. And even then, it was only on days when Roy himself was particularly frigid toward Edward.

There were days when Roy couldn't stop himself from wondering miserably about Ed's nameless lover, about whether Edward missed the other man, ever thought of him during the infrequent and tense times they got around to having sex these days. It was on those days that Roy couldn't help being cold toward Ed and even that Ed took in his stride, giving Roy his space…but even that much was hard. Because when Edward said he was going out to the grocer, going for a walk or going to visit his brother, it would eat away at the General, stressing and worried and upset over whether Ed was where he said he'd be, or whether he'd gone to see his ex-lover.

It made him sick, it made him unhappy and it made him unpleasant, which was why having company was not a good idea. But then, if this was how his relationship with Edward would be for the foreseeable future, would there ever be a good time for company or friends ever again? Would anything ever be good again?

To top it all off and unknowingly add insult to injury, Roy had the distinct feeling that the present visit from the younger Elric sibling and his girlfriend, was because they wanted to discuss plans for Roy and Ed's upcoming three year anniversary, which was only two weeks off.

He sighed heavily as he ran his hands back through his black hair, untidying it only a minute after he'd run a comb through it, not that it made a difference. Without product it never did stay back and always fell into its usual place, flat, straight and what he'd used to think was an effortlessly sexy touch of messy. Of course that was before his self-esteem and self-confidence had taken a knock from his much younger lover's affair with an equally younger man.

No, Roy couldn't go back…he was too hurt, too betrayed…a year was a long time.

It was a relationship…it was a whole different level of cheating.

He swallowed down a lump in his throat as he heard laughter –Alphonse's- filter upstairs from the living room, he and Mei had been there at least fifteen minutes already and Roy had yet to make an appearance, it was rude and unlike himself, but really he didn't care.

Edward was downstairs already, wearing dark jeans that fit him so well, a long sleeve black shirt with a subtle silky texture to it that was just comfortably fitting on his lean torso, his feet were bare and his hair had been untidily braided as was customary when Edward had no plans to go out of the house. Perhaps Roy should have felt better knowing that Edward no longer went out at night, even if the obviousness of Ed's infidelity became more painfully apparent due to the sudden change that now kept him home three nights a week.

Fuck.

Edward had been sleeping with another man that many times a week. For a year.

Roy pressed his fingers into his eyes and let out a slow quiet breath into his palms at the same time, it was not the first time he'd considered all of these things, that was the fucking problem, he could **not** forget, he could not stop thinking about it, stop questioning it. In every morning kiss, however moodily it was received on Roy's part, and in every light or intimate touch or look, in every smile, in every sigh, in every fuck, in every second Edward was not where Roy could know his whereabouts for sure…

…there was insecurity and doubt and mistrust and ugly feelings.

And yet he **loved** Edward, he fucking loved him and he wanted it all to just not be true anymore…he wanted everything to be perfect again. He dragged his hands down his face, swallowed thickly and wondered not for the first time if maybe he really would have been better off just not having ever known.

But then…it would still be happening…if it wasn't still happening anyway-

"Roy?" he heard Edward call him, the sound of his voice distant enough to be originating from the bottom of the staircase, the older man glanced at the door of his and Ed's bedroom, "Roy, we're ready to eat…!" his tone was audible and neutral. Always fucking neutral.

Either Edward really wasn't affected by what he'd done and the current state of their relationship, or he was just a fucking great actor. It only served to piss Roy off even more, digging a deeper pit of resentment in his guts toward the blonde. He didn't bother to answer, he doubted Ed expected him to.

With a last glance at his appearance in his full length mirror, Roy left the bedroom in a comfortable dark jeans, a dark blue button down shirt rolled up at the sleeves and he was barefoot same as Ed had been, after all Alphonse and Mei were family, they weren't expecting him to be dressed up for a late lunch in the backyard.

He descended the stairs at an even pace, glancing around the living room for anyone and seeing they'd already gone outside, he headed toward the patio doors and stepped outside into the warm sun and air.

Roy let his gaze settle on his guests and partner where they sat around the patio table under the shade of the awning, Mei and Alphonse across from Ed and an empty chair, Roy was meant to sit in that chair beside Ed, even if he didn't really want to right then. They were talking about something or the other –considering the company, it was probably alchemy-, all wearing smiles on their faces, including Ed.

Roy would swear it was any other day…any day before he'd found out…

As he approached Mei and Alphonse spotted him and they smiled brightly,

"Hi, Roy." Alphonse said happily, always polite and also clueless of anything going on between himself and Ed, after all, it was only himself, Edward and Jean who knew,

"Hello, Roy." Mei followed up with a small wave before she fiddled with a napkin she was holding.

"Alphonse, Mei, it's good to see you both." He said evenly, not looking at Ed and he doubted Ed looked at him either, even as he pulled up the chair next to the blonde and sat down.

Roy noticed that Al glanced between them with the slightest questioning frown before it was replaced with a smile and the chipper short haired blonde went on to ask Roy about work.

The General answered benignly, as pleasantly as he could whilst the food that had been laid out on the table was uncovered, unwrapped, opened and they all started to tuck into the mixed meal.

Mei and Alphonse always brought over new dishes they were learning to cook together and it was always either a disaster to Roy's taste buds or a wonderful experience, all the same, he always hesitated to eat it at first, more so right then since he wasn't feeling particularly hungry.

For this lunch, Ed had been the one to prepare their share of the food and Roy trusted his lover's cooking, even if he didn't trust Ed himself.

Ah, it always came back to that. It always would.

This was the first time they'd had anyone over since the night Roy confronted Ed, saw the traces of sex in Ed's appearance, slapped Ed across the face and accepted his betrayal all within a few hurtful minutes.

As the conversation progressed and Edward took up talking again, his voice light, pleasant and seemingly comfortable, Roy tried not to stare, or rather glare, at him. He didn't want to see Ed laugh and talk and enjoy his lunch while being a deceitful liar.

 _'_ _I can't_ _**believe** _ _you forgave him.'_

Jean Havoc's incredulous words echoed in his mind as Ed reached for his opened beer, taking the bottle into his slender hand and bringing it to his lips…the very same brand of beer he'd seen Ed's ex-affair buying at the bar roughly a month ago. Roy swallowed a mouthful of Ed's potato salad with some difficulty and leaned an elbow on the table as he placed his hand over his mouth, his eyes focused across the yard to the neatly kept bushes lining the back wall. Jean had been disappointed, Jean had said Roy shouldn't take that kind of shit from Ed…Jean had said Roy didn't deserve to have been made a fool of or hurt that way.

Jean had looked sad and yet understanding when all Roy had been able to mutter out was that he loved Ed.

Jean had probably had cheating girlfriends before…whereas Roy had never, that he knew of, anyway.

"-oy? Roy?" Ed's voice didn't bring him back, it was Ed's hand –still slightly damp with condensation from the beer bottle- that settled on his forearm that made him turn his attention to the three pairs of eyes settled on him.

"Uh, sorry…were you speaking to me?" he asked as he subtly removed his arm from under Ed's feather light touch and he pretended not to notice how Ed's hand curled into a slight fist against the table top as Roy steepled his hands in front of his face.

Alphonse was observant, he noticed that too but didn't say anything because he wasn't the type to be forward or pry into their business, not in front of Roy anyway, he guessed Alphonse might ask his brother if given the chance.

"I was just saying to Ed that we wanted to invite everyone to a restaurant for your anniversary, but Ed said it was up to you." Alphonse informed.

Roy had expected the anniversary would come up and he expected the dread that filled his stomach at the mention of commemorating what Alphonse innocently thought would be an occasion to look forward to. He glanced at Ed, who had taken his hand back and was fiddling with his beer bottle, eyes downcast,

"I'm not sure I'll be able to, I might be busy…with uh…work…" God, what a pathetic lie, Roy hadn't sounded convincing even to himself and again, Alphonse's brow creased ever so slightly as his gaze drifted between Roy and his older brother.

Ed had no reaction to Roy's lie, even if the General had been spending much more time at work to be away from Ed in the past four weeks, so it wasn't the all that much of a lie.

Mei had noticed the awkwardness of the situation by now and she glanced at Alphonse, Ed and then Roy before tucking her long black hair –which she wore open and straight quite fetchingly Roy thought- before she forced a smile and stood up, scraping the chair against the tiled patio as she did,

"I'll fetch dessert from the kitchen…" she offered even though they'd barely eaten much between the four of them, clearly wanting to be away from the tension.

Roy thought that sounded like an excellent idea.

"I'll help you." He said unhurriedly as he pushed his chair back and stood up as well, making Mei falter in her steps toward the patio doors and look worried, but she paused and waited for him anyway, bless her, she was polite.

He gestured for her to go ahead as he approached and she walked inside first, they didn't speak on the walk to the kitchen or in the kitchen as they moved around.

It wasn't that he couldn't make conversation with his…sister in common law? Because he could, he'd had conversations with Mei before, in the year and half she'd been with Al and living in Amestris, he'd come to know her fairly well. But he didn't make conversation because he had nothing to say and she didn't look like she did either, best not to make her uncomfortable by forcing pleasantries.

Dessert was ice cream, chocolate sauce and a slice of double chocolate cake. Alphonse and Mei had brought the cake, while he and Edward had bought the ice cream.

He and Edward. Roy and Edward. Edward and Roy.

As a couple it was often how they were referred to and on some occasions just to piss Edward off, people would call them Mr and Mrs Mustang. It never offended Ed so much as annoyed him to the point of making some very inappropriate hand gestures to the culprits.

Roy found it in himself to smile as he set about cutting slices of the cake and placing them into cake saucers laid out on the counter top. His chest filled with fondness for the blonde, yes, he loved Edward…fuck, he **loved** him.

That didn't mean he didn't resent him deeply.

Some days it was easier than others to try and pretend like he actually did forgive Ed, but the truth was…he didn't.

Wasn't sure that he had it in him, Roy wasn't big enough a person to forgive Ed…maybe…probably.

He stopped himself from sighing as he finished cutting the slices of cake, Ed and Al's were slightly larger than his and Mei's because the Elric's had a mutual affinity for chocolate that Roy and Mei were aware of, seeing as how she was doubling up the chocolate sauce in two of the ice cream helpings she'd dished just a meter from where Roy stood.

He turned to her as he managed to balance the four cake saucers in his two hands,

"I'll go ahead." He informed and she nodded with a distracted smile as she was tucking the ice cream scoop back into the tub.

He left the kitchen with only the sound of his feet patting against the tile, it was so quiet in the suburbs on Sundays…so quiet that from all the way across the living room he was able to hear the Elric brothers talking.

"…if you don't want to talk about it I won't press the issue." Alphonse sighed and Roy slowed his walk drastically, almost coming to a stop at first.

"Yeah, don't…" Ed said with a sigh of his own, "…and don't worry about it." He added distantly.

Roy could only assume Al had in fact asked about what was going on with the tension between himself and Ed. He figured the conversation was over after Ed's statement and was about to pick up his pace half way across the living room when Alphonse spoke again,

"Oh yeah…I was talking to Aaron Hansen the other day…"

"…Aaron."

There was nothing strange about that sentence from Al…but the fact that it was followed by Ed's voice in a tone laced with obvious hesitation and a distinct note of hush, as if he didn't want the name said aloud…gave it away and made Roy's heart thumb hard in his chest and his mind spin for a second.

He stopped walking just a little ways from the patio doors, the curtains lining the doors were mostly still from the lack of breeze and kept him from being seen.

"Yeah, Aaron Hansen, a friend of mine from university, you've met him a few times…the chemistry major-…"

"Yeah I know who you're talking about." Ed spoke in that hushed, hesitant tone again, "What about him?" Ed added and Roy felt his stomach start to churn unsettlingly.

Alphonse's friend…university student…chemistry major…

He just knew…that _Aaron Hansen_ was Ed's ex-affair…in his gut, he **knew** it. Fuck. Fuck…

"He asked about you, it was weird, he wanted to know if I'd seen you lately and asked if you were okay, said he hadn't spoken to you in a while." Alphonse went on unaware of how his words were scratching at the insides of Roy's stomach, his mind…and heart, "I didn't even know the two of you kept in contact, he sounded worried…" here Al laughed as if he found it amusing, "…are you and he friends?"

 _Friends_ …ugh, Roy wished…he clenched his jaw, of course Al found it amusing, he had no fucking idea.

No fucking idea how much Roy wanted to walk outside and…and…hurt Edward. Physically, emotionally, just hurt him _somehow._ Like Roy was hurting right then and had been for weeks.

"…no." Ed practically mumbled, "Uh, kinda…" he cleared his throat, "…we talked a few times…had drinks…"

Roy had to start walking, he could hear Mei's sandaled footsteps on the tiles coming down the hall from the kitchen. He didn't want to be caught eavesdropping, so he ignored the static pain in his chest and the tension in his throat and walked outside, not looking at Edward because he just **could not**.

Not with a face and name and basic academic outline of Edward's fucking cheating bastard affair.

"Oh, wow I had no idea, he never mentioned it and I see him almost every day." Alphonse went on despite Roy walking over to the table, of course he did, he had no idea.

No idea, indeed.

This person, **Aaron** , who Ed had been **sleeping with** on the side for a **year** …was friends with Edward's brother. Roy doubted it could get worse at this point. Fuck…

Roy placed the saucers down a bit roughly and noticed how Ed glanced at him, shoulders visibly tense and just because he wanted to see if Edward would _look_ and _feel_ horrible and guilty, he decided to involve himself in the conversation,

"Who are you talking about?" he tried and managed to sound somewhat casual and curious as he pushed Ed's saucer so it bumped against his hand and the blonde clenched his fists, keeping his head down.

Alphonse accepted his cake handed to him politely with a smile,

"Just a friend of mine from university, I hadn't known he and Ed were friends, Ed was just telling me..." He said conversationally as Roy walked around and sat back down in his chair, wanting nothing more than to **not** sit next to Ed.

"…" Edward said nothing and he kept his head down as he lifted his fork and poked at the cake.

Edward wasn't squirming, he wasn't talking, he wasn't even acknowledging…Alphonse glanced between them again as they pointedly didn't look at one another and then he looked at Mei with vague relief when she came along with four bowls of ice cream on a tray. She sat down after passing the bowls out, kissed Alphonse sweetly on the lips with a sincerely and obviously loving gaze and dessert passed by in silence aside from cutlery sounds and the occasional breeze.

Roy wondered, after Alphonse and Mei had left, if he should have asked more questions about _Aaron Hansen_ , Alphonse would have answered, he would have had no reason not to so long as the questions were neutral and said with conversational curiosity.

But in the end, having felt sick to his stomach at the time and having had trouble swallowing every bite of cake and ice cream, Roy found he really didn't **want** to know more about the person Ed had cheated on him with.

It was fucking him up enough as it was.

* * *

It was around 9 PM that night when Roy was lying in bed on his back, one arm above his head fiddling with the sewn seam of his pillow, the other with a hand rested on his chest, he was wearing a pair of loose fitting sleeping pants. The blanket was kicked off him, the light in the bedroom was on as he was staring at the ceiling, listening to himself breathe and the sound of running water in the en-suite as Ed was brushing his teeth.

After Alphonse and Mei left, they'd cleared lunch from the patio table, packed the food away, washed the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, tidied the living room, locked up the house, showered and decided to turn in. All in relative silence, only a few words spoken between them, general stuff.

No conversation, joking, kisses or even the slightest affections between them where there used to be. With what he'd learned at lunch that afternoon, Roy had had half a mind to tell Ed to not stay over after Al and Mei left, but then he was struck with the idea of Ed going back to his apartment…alone, he'd be alone and he could call… _Aaron_.

And Roy couldn't do it, Ed had stayed over every night since he'd confronted the blonde about his cheating, the weak, insecure and mistrustful part of his mind wanted Ed sleeping beside him _every_ fucking night. God, he was pathetic.

He blinked once when his eyes burned from staring at the ceiling as he thought that at least he'd learned one good thing from Alphonse mentioning _Aaron Hansen_ that afternoon.

Edward hadn't seen him since.

Was it even more pathetic to take comfort in that?

Probably.

He heard a light switch click, but the bedroom lamp light was still on so Ed had just finished in the bathroom, he didn't bother to look at the blonde when he felt the left side of the bed dip slightly under Ed's weight.

But he couldn't avoid looking at Ed when he came close, on his hands and knees wearing nothing but black boxers and with his blonde hair tied back into a loose knot which Ed usually tied to keep his hair from getting too wet in the shower, untidy and easy to undo.

Fucking gorgeous.

Roy swallowed tensely when Edward pressed his hands to Roy's chest without a word and leaned down to kiss him, open mouthed and minty wet and Roy couldn't bring himself to not accept Edward's tongue as it slipped into his mouth. The blonde's hands, warm from the shower, pressed and rubbed over his chest and onto his collarbones, his sides, his shoulders, his neck, all the while Ed leaning over him and kissing him deeply, sexually inciting without a doubt.

Sex between them had lessened since the confrontation, Roy had counted a total of five times in the month past, including the night he'd actually confronted Ed. And every time had been _less_ pleasurable than it used to be, tense, underlined with suspicion and guilt, quieter…lacking vital affection that pleasure alone would not replace between two people who supposedly loved one another.

As they kissed Roy wondered not for the first time, as he raised a hand automatically and slid it smoothly along the column of Ed's fair neck, over the side of his face and further up so his fingertips slid into the blonde's tied back hair, what sex between Ed and… _Aaron_ –fuck, he knew his name now- had been like.

He took in a tense, painful breath at the thought, when Edward's mouth broke wetly from the kiss, lips red and teeth lightly dragging over Roy's bottom lip before the kisses moved over his cheek, his jaw, kissing and nipping and hands consistently caressing and rubbing.

Roy opened and closed his eyes, exhaling heavily as Edward's tongue and teeth found his ear…and just beneath it…it felt really good, Ed knew what he liked. Ed had reached up with the hand not supporting him and pulled the elastic out of his hair and the length of it fell loose because he knew Roy liked that too. Ed's hair smelled faintly of shampoo from when it had been last washed and the General slid his hand all the way into Ed's hair, loving its texture, as Edward moved his kisses down Roy's neck.

Edward's free hand moved down confidently into Roy's sleeping pants to take a hold of his semi-hard cock and Ed knew just how hard to squeeze and stroke his shaft, just how to roll his balls and Roy had both his hands in Ed's hair before he knew it, watching Ed kiss and suck and bite his way down over Roy's defined chest and abs.

Edward was a sight to behold, face slightly flush, just like his wet lips, tongue red and slipping out and along Roy's skin smoothly, his eyes half closed, his mid-back length hair untidily falling over and around his angular face…

Roy let out a slight moan, his mind was somewhere between what Edward was doing to him and what Edward had done to _Aaron_ and it was hard to stay focused, it was hard to completely enjoy the gorgeous blonde who made quick work of pushing Roy's sleeping pants to his knees before sucking on his cock like the expert Ed was at **everything**. Roy spread his legs as much as he could as pleasure rolled into his groin and spread, looking down at Ed as he bobbed his head steadily and hollowed his cheeks on every suck while pushing his own boxers off his waist so they slipped down his muscled lean thighs.

Roy moaned again, his hands gripping and moving lightly in soft blonde hair, as Ed's mouth slipped wetly off his now full erection and moved lower to suck on Roy's sensitive scrotum, Ed's breath was hot and his intention was deft and Ed had by that point maneuvered his legs so he could kick his boxers off as he was palming his own erection as he sucked and licked and Roy bit his lip because it felt so good.

It was fluid motion with Ed…sex, like with everything else he did. Roy had learned early on that having been a virgin when they'd first had sex had meant very little with regards to how Ed handled himself in bed. There was too much knowledge, too much natural skill, too much confidence, too much genius…too much almost perfection in Ed for anything to stop him from being absolutely…incredible.

Edward's mouth was moving back along Roy's cock, kissing and licking the underside until he was taking the head back into his mouth, tightly and shortly sucking before he pulled up again, letting Roy's cock fall flat to his stomach, swollen and damp with Ed's saliva and his own pre-come.

He'd had to drop his hands from Ed's hair because the blonde had sat up and he leaned forward and up, bringing himself back to eye level as he straddled Roy's legs, his naked legs wider apart than they had to be just because it was fucking sexy and Ed knew Roy like it that way.

For a sweet blissful minute when Ed licked his lips with a small smile and kissed him again, hair tickling Roy's shoulders and tongue lapping at his mouth, there were no thoughts of anything but how lucky he was to have the former Fullmetal Alchemist kissing him, tasting his own sex in Ed's mouth and knowing that Ed loved his taste, Ed loved to suck him off, Ed loved to kiss him and fuck him…knowing these things because Ed had told him in so many heated moments they'd shared together.

Roy wanted to pull Ed closer as affection swelled briefly in his chest but the blonde leaned away, sitting back on the tops of Roy's thighs so that his and Roy's cocks were nearly aligned and Ed took the General's erection into his hand and stroked it just right. Roy watched him as he enjoyed the sensation; he loved watching Ed because Edward was ridiculously seductive. Right then he was alternating between stroking Roy, himself and then rubbing their erections together, his other hand was raised to push his blonde hair back from his face, revealing Ed's face when he was oh so horny. Flushed, eyes half lidded, perfect lips parted and tongue wetting his bottom lip, with the occasional follow through of teeth to worry the same lip and the smell of his arousal was palpable and Roy _wanted_ him, fuck, he always did…forever.

He reached down and rubbed what he could reach of Ed's thighs from where they rested bent astride Roy's body, the General was breathing deeply, swallowing slowly, watching Ed between pleasurably slow blinks as pleasure trailed through his body from Ed's careful work on his cock, never too much but not too little.

Keeping him painfully hard, making him want but not feel too impatient for more because it felt so good.

When the bed shifted again the contact was gone and Roy watched Edward lean over to the bedside, hovering over him as he pulled the drawer open and took a tube of lube out of it.

Roy reached up and ran his hands over Ed's tightly muscled body, thinking fondly of how many times he'd worshipped that body, pulled that blonde hair, dug his nails into those firm ass cheeks, bitten those nipples, sucked on Ed's cock, his neck, come in his mouth, in his ass, between his thighs…fucking claimed him night after night, day after day…for minutes into hours…

Edward had squeezed lube into his palm and was working it with audible squelches over Roy's cock as the blonde started to kiss the older man's chest again…

But the returning pleasure wasn't enough to stop the train of thought…had _Aaron_ done any of those things to Edward?

Edward stopped stroking Roy's cock after he'd spread the lube, instead he was kissing and exhaling between soft sexy sounds against Roy's chest and neck as he fingered his own ass. The action did enough to refocus his mind and keep Roy hard, because he thought of how he'd usually finger Ed during foreplay and the blonde would let him play and tease, he'd spread himself wide because he was so flexible, tighten his asshole around Roy's fingers and moan like he fucking wanted it to never end as Roy would massage his prostate.

God, how the fuck could Roy let him go? How could anyone…how could _Aaron?_ Shit.

Edward was mounting him now, crouching over, balanced as well as he could on one of his hands and the balls of his feet as he used his lube slick right hand to guide Roy's cock into his asshole. And Roy felt it and loved it, the resistance of Ed's anus against the blunt head of his cock, then the feeling of silky, tight, slick warmth when he breached Ed's sphincter and slipped slowly into his rectum, stretching him open.

It always felt incredible, it always felt like heaven and Edward _always_ moaned and tightened and made sure to go down slowly, just as he did right then, in order to feel every last one of Roy's seven inches as it entered him and then when Roy was balls deep and his hands were clutching Ed's waist tightly, the blonde shifted onto his knees again when he leaned forward and kissed Roy messily.

There was a question again, Roy couldn't help it… did Ed love _Aaron's_ cock? Was it bigger than Roy's?

Roy was well endowed, well above average…surely he didn't need to feel inadequate in that department?

Fuck.

Breathing heavily against Roy's mouth, Ed started to move and Roy felt the hand on his chest press nails into his skin the first time Ed pulled up and then sat back down on his cock, a moan and hitched breath of Roy's name passing between their mouths from the blonde. That had never failed to turn Roy on beyond belief.

Except now it came with a question…did Ed say _Aaron's_ name that way, with that inflection of deep pleasure?

Ed continued to move then, tightening his rectum in between his movements, he pulled back from the intermittent kissing because Roy was too distracted by his horrible wandering mind to do much more than keep his mouth open, so Edward pressed his hands to Roy's chest and firm abs and started to ride Roy in earnest.

Back and forth, up and down, somehow simultaneously and it felt so fucking incredible, occasionally Ed pressed down to sit flush and he would moan a fair bit louder than the short breathy ones as Roy's cock pressed deeply into him. And Edward's face was stunning, eyes closed and then open, worrying his lips with tongue and teeth, gritting them when it felt just a little painful and really, really fucking good for Roy to be that deep in his ass. Ed was relatively vocal too, moans spilled from his mouth constantly, sometimes higher pitched depending on how good he felt or if Roy would pinch his nipples, or stroke his cock.

But Roy wasn't doing anything, he was just watching Edward, lying still and controlling his breathing as he watched Edward ride him like a pro, knowing just how to move to make it feel good for Roy too, just how to pull up and squeeze the head of Roy's erection in his tight ass, just how fast to move when he could gain the momentum and how tight to make himself when his legs started to shake and his movements started to become erratic.

Edward was so incredible, he was tight even though his rectum loosened as the sex drew on and Roy's cock moved inside him like he was sliding into hot, moist silk…

Like _Aaron_ had been doing for a year, even if it had been with condoms. Had it even always been with condoms?

Roy was starting to feel sick and here Ed looked like he was really enjoying himself too.

Why the fuck was he so horny anyway? He hadn't been like this in the past month.

Shit…Roy couldn't help thinking it was because Alphonse had brought up Ed's ex-affair.

Was this the result of Ed thinking about _Aaron_ all evening?

Roy continued to watch Edward move above him, nausea rising and before he could stop it from happening, in his mind he was seeing Edward riding his ex-affair, moaning as he was right then, palming his own cock as another filled his sensitive ass to the hilt every time Ed sat down with a slap of skin. He couldn't help thinking of Ed's stamina when it came to sex, he was young and he could go and go and he could get hard sometimes three times over in a night of sex…

…and _Aaron_ was young, could he outlast Roy? Had he been outlasting Roy for a year?

He could see it even though he didn't want to, he could see the entire scenario he'd just experienced playing out between Ed and _Aaron_. Edward came on strong when he was horny, he would suck _Aaron_ off like he did so well to get him raging hard, being as sexy as he was he'd do it all naked, all just the right amount of slutty and then he'd prep his ass, or _Aaron_ would do it.

Did _Aaron_ do it with his fingers? With his mouth? Or both, like Roy often did because Ed loved the feeling of a tongue in his ass and it made him fuck just a bit more intensely when Roy foreplayed him _just right_.

Did _Aaron_ know what Ed liked… did he know just how to kiss Ed and where? Did he know how to hit Edward's prostate every time he thrust into him from any angle? Did he know Edward liked it rough from behind but when he was in missionary he liked it close and slow and deep?

All Roy could think about was what had _Aaron_ shared with Ed, what had he done, where had they done it, had Edward loved it…shit…shit…he couldn't make it fucking **stop**!

"...huh…fuck…Roy…?" Edward had stopped moving, eyebrows drawn together, one hand on his own straining erection and the other pressed to Roy's sternum and his breathing was deep and uneven, his flushed chest rising and falling, abs tensing, his lips red and his hair sticking to his sweat damp neck and forehead.

He looked oddly…concerned, confused…and insecure…and Roy tried to understand why as _Aaron's_ fucking face went round and around in his head.

Edward was looking down at Roy and he swallowed visibly as he let go of his erection and Roy felt it then, when Ed shifted on his cock,

"…are you…shit…Roy, you're…you're going soft…" Ed said breathily, his tone upset and yet confused as he looked from Roy's slightly wide blue eyes to their connected bodies.

Sure enough when Edward pulled up and Roy slipped from his body, his cock was barely half-mast and rapidly becoming flaccid. The blonde lost his flushed appearance quite quickly then and Roy could think of nothing to say as Ed raised his leg from straddling Roy and sat down on the bed beside the General, legs slightly wobbly as he leaned back on one arm and ran his other hand through his hair, Ed sighed and continued to look insecure and worried but not in Roy's direction.

Roy was surprised by how much he was pleased to have finally hurt Edward in some small way, to show him how it felt to be insecure and doubt yourself. He didn't even feel bad that he'd lost his erection during one of Ed's incredible sexual performances, he didn't feel bad because he was suffering every second thinking of Edward's affair and it was only fair that Ed at least suffered too.

Edward was the one who brought this into their lives for fucks sake, Roy hadn't deserved to suffer at all.

For a tense minute neither of them said anything, they just breathed until Roy finally shifted, pulling himself to sit up and reaching down to pull his sleeping pants back up his legs from his ankles until his nudity was covered. He glanced at Edward's scarred back, the blonde had shifted and was leaning forward, mismatched legs partially crossed and his face in his hands.

He seemed so pale and skinny all of a sudden, when his muscles weren't immediately visible, being as wiry in build as he was made him seem too thin.

Roy shifted again, pulling one leg up and resting his elbow on it as he organized his thoughts during another stretch of silence. He was still sorting out the mess of disgusting imaginings that had made him lose his hard on when Ed shifted and moved to the edge of the bed, getting off and picking his boxers up off the floor to pull them on.

The General wondered as he watched Ed with a sharp gaze, if the blonde would storm out, but when Ed just came back to his side of the bed and pulled the blanket back on his side so he could get into bed, Roy felt a knot of anxiety he hadn't been aware of unfurl and ease in his stomach.

He'd thought Ed would leave. And maybe…just maybe he should tell Ed to leave, because what they were doing together didn't make sense anymore and it made Roy as sad as it did angry.

When Edward pulled the covers over himself, laid down with his back facing Roy and switched his beside light off casting the room into darkness –since Roy's had been off all along- the General decided he wouldn't be able to sleep.

There was no ignoring what had just happened, there was no more sidestepping the issue. They weren't happy and Roy very badly wanted to argue and yell and fight and _express_ how disgusted and hurt he was.

Because Ed shouldn't be able to just lie down and go to sleep.

Fuck it.

He switched his bed side light on and looked at Ed's back,

"Aaron Hansen is the guy you cheated on me with…" it was meant to be a statement, but he had to ask, "…isn't he?"

He watched Ed carefully, noting the tension that quickly set into the blonde's shoulders even as his open hair obscured the side of his face and back.

" **Isn't he**?" Roy pressed, teeth clenched as he glared at Edward's still form.

Edward shifted then, pushing himself to sit up, hunching over as he stared at the blanket covering his lower half, not looking at Roy as he rubbed a hand over his face slowly,

"Yes." He answered flatly, quietly, no emotion.

It pissed Roy off even more.

"I can't believe you…" Roy said what he was honestly thinking in a breathless tone, staring at Ed's hair because he could not see his face, "…your brother's **friend** , someone that close to your own family, you were _fucking_ ," Ed's flinch felt good to Roy so he repeated, " _fucking_ someone, **cheating on me** with someone that close to our lives." He seethed, thinking that he still couldn't believe he hadn't known, hadn't seen it, hadn't had a fucking clue.

New questions filled his head,

"Did you enjoy knowing that it could all go to shit if he'd only just _mentioned_ to Alphonse that you and he were **fucking** each other?!" he spat, voice raising slightly and Ed just kept his head down, body tense.

No, Ed wouldn't argue, not when he was wrong, just like the last time.

"Did you find it exciting, Edward?" Roy snapped again and he watched Ed shift, bringing his knees up and leaning his elbows on them, sort of curling into himself, "Knowing that at any given moment he could have made a complete fucking mess, he could have made me the fool I'm sure you fucking take me for!" Roy couldn't stay seated, he was teeming with anger, all the anger he'd felt all day, every day since a month ago and more so after finding out what he had that day.

He stood up at the side of the bed and looked down at Edward angrily, his body tense,

"For a _year_ …an entire year that I spent **trusting** you like I always had…" now Ed placed his head in his hands, "…like an idiot believing everything was fine when you were…" Roy's head suddenly felt very sore and his throat was closing as his vision flooded with images of Edward sleeping with _Aaron_ , "…you were with **Aaron** ," he said the name with ample disgust, "you were in his bed, you were fucking him and your mouth…and his…whatever you did together…and you'd come home and _kiss_ me…" his voice broke as he said this before his anger flooded back, "…you'd say you love me with your filthy _used_ fucking mouth, after kissing him, after having his cock in your mouth!"

Somehow saying it out loud made it hurt worse, so much worse. It was crushing Roy and Edward was gripping his hair tightly in his hands, face between his knees, not moving and also not **denying anything**.

"…and it's not really over…" Roy said this quietly, "…he's still asking after you, because as far as he knew, you were with **him** , you were **his** partner," the anger was tapering off now, back into misery as turbulent and volatile as Roy's emotions were lately, "you were **his** boyfriend, so it's not over."

"It's **over**." Ed finally spoke, voice tight, wrenching his hands from his hair and looking up at Roy with red eyes, they looked slightly damp too, as if Ed was trying not to cry.

Roy didn't feel anything for it, he was past needing a reaction from Ed, somehow having said what he was thinking out loud and knowing the man's name and how close he was and had been all this time really hit it home for Roy, this was it, there was no putting the issue back into a neat little box and trying to never look into it again.

" **He** obviously doesn't know that." Roy said through clenched teeth.

"You told me never to see him again, never," Edward kicked the blanket off his legs and got onto his knees on the bed, looking at Roy with something akin to anger and desperation, "you told me **never again**." He sniffed, "And that's exactly what I did, just like you wanted."

Roy had said that.

And Roy didn't want Edward to see him ever again…but did that matter anymore? Did Roy want this pain anymore, this feeling of having been wronged and living with it, living with the person who'd wronged him. Trying to share a life and a bed and himself with Edward seemed impossible now.

"It's not enough." He realized.

Edward stared at him, eyes still glossy with unshed tears,

"I'll tell him…I'll…on the phone, I'll tell him on the phone, that it's over." Edward offered, running hands back through his hair, "I'll call him right now, I'll tell him and you can hear me say it." He shifted to get off the bed and when he was nearly to the door Roy repeated,

"It's not **enough**."

Edward stopped in the doorway and then turned to face Roy, his expression a mixture of confusion and trepidation,

"W-what then?" he asked, "What do I have to do to make this right?" he took a few steps toward Roy's side of the bed where the General stood and Roy stared at the gorgeous, lithe...cheating…blonde before him.

For right then it seemed right, it seemed fair…it made sense that he and Ed shouldn't be together anymore.

"There's nothing." He said quietly and cuffed a hand through his hair, looking to the nearest wardrobe because Edward's eyes were intensely focused on him, "There's nothing, you can't make it go away, you can't take away the thoughts of you and him, the reality…his name, his face, his voice in my hea-…"

Ed inhaled quietly,

"You've seen him…spoken to him?" Edward sounded quietly horrified.

Roy looked at him, anger returning quickly,

"I fucking **saw** you with my own eyes, Edward!" he yelled and watched as Ed tensed and swallowed, now he looked _guilty_ , now he really looked like he'd been punched in the stomach, _finally_ , "I was at the bar, I was standing next to him when he ordered beers for the two of you…" Roy seethed, glaring at Edward with every ounce of his anger and hurt, "…I saw him **kiss** you, in fucking public! I know you left with him, I know you went back to his place where you **fucked** him and then came home to **me!** " he pointed at Edward harshly, mouth in a sneer, heart hammering, head spinning, stomach turning, throat closing.

The wateriness of Ed's eyes threatened to overflow and he inhaled quietly and shakily, eyes averting to the floor,

"You followed me." He said more to himself.

"Is **that** what you care about?!" Roy asked incredulously, wondering if Ed would start spouting some bullshit about Roy not trusting him and invading his privacy.

He doubted he'd be able to refrain from punching Ed in the face if he played that fucking card.

But Ed was better than that, he never shunned responsibility for his wrong doings,

"No, I'm just…sorry…I'm…sorry…" he breathed out in quiet panic and stress.

" **Now** you're sorry? Because you know I actually saw you?" Roy said irritably, voice laced with disgust, "Did you think all this time I was just fucking guessing!" he snapped.

Edward blinked his eyes shut tightly for a few seconds and shook his head,

"I'm sorry you saw that-…"

"You're not sorry you **did that to me**!?" Roy yelled, unbelieving of what he was hearing, furious, hurting…hurting…

"I am!" Ed yelled back, voice breaking, "I am, what the fuck must I do, how can I make it right…?" he frowned deeply, looking pale, "Do you want me to apologize to you on my knees? To beg you to forgive me?" Roy thought for a second Ed was mocking him but then the blonde took steps closer looking sincere and anxious, "I'll do it, Roy, because I fucked up and I'm sorry-…"

But it wouldn't be enough.

Roy was too blinded by anger right then to even attempt to accept Ed's apologies or consider really trying to forgive him this time.

"You fucked **everything** up…" he said through a tense throat and Ed closed his mouth abruptly, silenced, and Roy had to ask, "…and I still don't know why?"

Edward stared at him, a mess of blonde hair and red rimmed eyes and fair naked skin.

Roy stared back, furious and pale and with a cold sweat all over his skin.

"Why…why did you cheat on me with him, Edward?" he asked with pain in his voice, "Was it me? Was I doing something wrong, was he doing something I wasn't…for a year…it couldn't have been _fleeting_ …" Roy exhaled tightly when another question he didn't want to ask but needed to came to mind, "…were there serious feelings?"

Edward looked stricken,

"Roy ple-…"

"Answer my fucking questions, you **owe** me that!" he demanded.

Edward stared at him, expression clearly showing his distress and sadness,

"I…don't know-…"

"Don't you fucking lie-…"

"I don't, really…it didn't happen overnight!" Ed's voice cracked again and he moved to sit down at the foot of the bed and admitted something that took the wind out of Roy's metaphorical sails and his lungs, "I was attracted to him, I just really liked him and when…when he came on to me, I just didn't…I…I let him." He said it quietly, and the fact that his voice was filled with remorse and apology made no difference to the General.

Roy, who loved Edward so much, having to hear that the affair had not been for some petty reason but for genuine attraction Ed had developed for someone he'd gotten to know, grown to like…god, it was so much worse.

Roy's eyes were watery now,

"You said you don't love him." He breathed out. Heart sore.

"I don't, I never did…I love **you**." Ed clarified quickly, standing up again, "I liked him, sure, but he's not **you** , the feelings aren't the same, the…the…" Ed glanced around frantically as if searching for the words, never was a very articulate person, "…the intensity, the need, the want, when it's you, its…it's so much **more** …I feel those things for you, all of those things, the best things, the **real** things, so strongly…I love **you** Roy, it was different with him, it's not the same thing!" he insisted.

What a child.

Thinking that fucking, liking and loving two different people could somehow be treated as if the infidelity didn't hurt all the same. Roy didn't know _Aaron_ , he'd quite have liked to kill him…but this wasn't even his fault.

It was all Edward's fault, he'd hurt both Roy and _Aaron_ , the latter just didn't know yet.

"Cheating is cheating, Edward, you don't get to compartmentalize it to suit yourself." Roy informed him coldly, "You don't get to have your cake and eat it, you don't get to fuck some guy you like for a while and lie to the man you've been in a relationship with for years and have it be _okay_." He was speaking calmly.

"I fucked up." Ed breathed, "I know, I just…"

"I think you should leave." Roy cut him off.

"No…" Ed breathed out again, shoulders slackening, "…wait, Roy…"

"Edward, I tried." Roy admitted, "I tried to forgive you…" his chest was hurting, "…but I **can't** , I can't trust you-…"

Ed shook his head,

"I'll never-…"

"I can't!" Roy felt sure, so sure, that he could not accept Ed's mistake.

Edward was a genius, he should have known that he shouldn't allow childish feelings to affect his better judgment, that it wasn't okay to hurt someone the way he'd hurt Roy. It didn't matter that he was twenty years old, it didn't matter that Roy was the first and only person Ed had been with since he was seventeen years old until the young, good looking _Aaron_ came along, even if Ed had been so pent up sexually and emotionally that it had nearly overwhelmed Roy in those first few months they'd been together.

No, those were excuses, Ed knew right from wrong and what he'd done was **wrong.**

"Okay." Ed conceded quietly, looking defeated and very, very sorry and very, very hurt, "So you're…this is it…you're…b-breaking up with me…" he half mumbled half swallowed his words, staring at the floor.

Was Roy breaking up with Edward Elric, the young man who'd effectively become the love of his life and a really good reason to wake up in the morning if only to see his face?

Not recently…but before…but it wasn't enough right? Shit.

So then…

"Yes." Roy said through his still mostly closed throat, emotions putting pressure on his breathing, "You can leave in the morning, I'll sleep in the guest room." He managed out and then he walked out of the bedroom passed Edward just as a few tears left his eyes, so Ed wouldn't see.

Ten minutes later he heard the front door shut…and Edward was gone.

* * *

Roy showed up an hour late to work the next day, Monday, and everyone noticed his unshaven, exhausted and untidy appearance and while everyone asked what was wrong in their different ways, all of them were shrugged off, evaded and sent back to work…except for Jean.

Jean was the one person who Roy could talk to about his problems with Ed.

He did so during lunch, head in his hands where he sat on the sofa in his office as Jean smoked with a deep frown on his face and sat across from the General, listening to Roy tell him in a few sad words what he'd found out about Ed's affair, how he couldn't deal with it…how'd he'd broken up with Ed.

Jean didn't say anything, he didn't have to, his presence was good enough, just to have someone to say it to.

To tell about the feelings crawling around inside of him.

For Roy to say, 'I love him, god I fucking love him, but I can't forgive him, but I **want** to forgive him.'

 _'_ _It was just a mistake, wasn't it Jean? He wouldn't do it again?'_ he'd asked pathetically.

Jean had responded in a cold voice,

' _He shouldn't have done it in the first place…'_ how unhelpful, _'…but the Boss never made a habit of making the same mistake twice.'_ It was said with a bit less hostility, even though Jean had still looked disapproving.

It was obviously hard for Jean to encourage Roy to forgive but yet he had, however subtly, because it was true, Ed was impulsive and visceral in many ways and he was hot blooded and spontaneous and real and so, so alive, he had so **much** going on in his head and in his heart, and really, when Ed felt guilt he really felt it, even if it'd taken him a while in this case for it to catch up to him.

Edward was not a bad person, people made mistakes.

As mistakes went, an affair that lasted a year…how bad was it really?

It was really bad…it was horrible…but, unforgivably bad?

Roy didn't know, he just didn't and that made it more confusing, because he felt like maybe he shouldn't have allowed his anger to make him end it with Ed and yet he still didn't know if forgiveness was even an option, if it ever could be. And by the end of a very long and unproductive Monday, Roy felt worse than he had when he'd woken up that morning.

Which was really something, considering.

* * *

Tuesday came and went with plenty of anxiousness and quiet moodiness for Roy, but he had at least shaved and tried to look less like the misery he felt. Waking up alone wasn't pleasant, especially since he knew it would be –maybe…maybe – permanent.

Did his hesitation to commit to saying to it was over mean he wanted to take Ed back, to tell him to come home?

Shit, Roy didn't know. He knew he loved and missed Ed but he also knew he resented him.

And he knew that his pillows still smelled of Ed's hair. Shit.

Falling asleep was so hard and so upsetting with the scent…but not the person.

* * *

Through Wednesday and Thursday Roy had picked the phone up –at home and work- several times, to try and call Ed at his apartment building, but he never followed through.

He didn't know what he'd say.

Are you going to come home?

Do you want to fight for us?

Are you hurting like I am?

Can we make this work?

Can I ever trust you again?

Did you cry?

Should I take you back?

Do you want to come back?

Have you seen _Aaron_?

Ugh. He couldn't make that call.

* * *

He made the call Friday afternoon when everyone was out of the office…and the phone just rang and rang…

* * *

He'd tried calling several times through Friday after that and had received no answer on Ed's line, so he'd called the reception of the building and had been informed that they hadn't seen Edward in weeks.

That made sense, Ed had been staying with him…so then…he assumed Ed was staying with his brother.

Roy didn't call Alphonse, he didn't have the energy for questions and explanations.

He was pouring himself a shot of bourbon at 1 PM in the afternoon that warm Saturday, it was his third one for the day, he'd started at about 10. He was pacing himself, hoping to be relatively drunk by 6.

He'd abandoned the paper work he'd brought home and hadn't bothered to go into the office that morning, Hawkeye had called and asked for a reason, he must have sounded as awful as his lame excuse was because she hadn't pressed the issue.

Roy didn't think she knew he and Ed were broken up, he didn't think anyone knew, except for Jean and probably Alphonse, but she was perceptive and probably sensed something was going wrong in his love life.

He wondered if she'd try to shoot Ed if she found out what he'd done…possibly.

Roy leaned his head back against the sofa when he sat down heavily and then stared off to the side of the living room, to the open patio doors, thinking of how Edward had been gone for almost a full week…such a long, painful, confusing week.

Roy's eyes drifted to a jacket of Ed's that had been tossed over the back of one of the sofas days and days ago, and there it lay.

He didn't' want to move anything.

Because…maybe…maybe Ed would come home.

And maybe they'd talk, or argue…and maybe Roy would tell him to stay in the end, just stay.

There was a knock on the door and Roy's heart rate leapt briefly in shock as the sound shattered his silent brooding, and then his stomach knotted with dread and anxious hope, because maybe it was Ed.

He stood up and placed the almost empty glass down on the coffee table, then he ran his hands over the front of his white button down shirt and walked around the couch to head toward the foyer, his bare feet patting the tiles audibly.

He pursed his lips, swallowed thickly, exhaled and inhaled a few times quietly before he finally reached the door and without checking the peephole, he opened the door.

Alphonse was standing there.

Not the Elric he'd dreadfully hoped it would be.

For a few long seconds, he stared at the younger Elric brother, who stared back with a distinct air of discomfort and sadness about him as he avoided meeting Roy's gaze,

"Alphonse…" Roy cleared his throat when the name came out slightly gruff, "…what, uh, what are you doing here?" he asked evenly, raising his eyebrows.

He knew he probably looked less than well; his hair hadn't had much more combing than just from his fingers since he'd showered that morning and his shirt and jeans were wrinkly from sitting around all day, on top of which he'd been losing sleep and probably some weight.

Alphonse fidgeted and glanced at the large pot plant beside the door before he spoke,

"I…uh…brother…he asked…" he finally met Roy's increasingly depressing gaze, "…he asked me to come and get his things." He said it quietly, considerately, Alphonse was always so empathetic and polite.

It shouldn't have been annoying and yet it irked Roy right then. Because Edward was sending his little brother to pick up his things –shit, so he wasn't coming back- and Alphonse was fetching it, so he knew and was still here on behalf of his brother. But…what did he know? Had Edward told his brother half the story, or everything about what a fucking liar he was?

It was exhausting, Roy couldn't decide whether he was sad, angry, heartbroken or bitter. Or all of them at once.

"He didn't want to come himself?" Roy asked as neutrally as he could, it wasn't Alphonse's fault after all.

Alphonse shrugged tensely, pushing the long sleeves of his beige sweater up to his elbows as he passed the car keys he held in between his hands and shuffled his booted feet,

"He said you wouldn't want to see him." He offered as explanation.

Ah. Well. After Roy had told him to leave, he supposed Ed assuming that made sense.

Fuck…so he wasn't coming back, he wasn't. Roy didn't feel like that would be okay with him…his chest was hurting again.

Alphonse was staring at him, looking more and more sad and sympathetic by the second and Roy just had to stop being so obviously pathetic over Edward, Edward who had **cheated** on **him**.

"Uh, come in Alphonse." He said distractedly and stepped aside, gesturing for the blonde to enter.

Alphonse took hesitating steps inside, clearly uncomfortable and Roy couldn't blame him, being put into this position was probably very awkward for him,

"He just said he needed his clothes and his books, his vinyl's…" Alphonse was just about whispering as he trailed off, Roy thought his tone resembled the way people spoke at a funeral.

Roy stared at him for a few more seconds, trying to figure out what he was supposed to say to that. He didn't want Alphonse to move anything, to take away anything of Ed's…because then it'd be real. The break up would be real.

Didn't Alphonse realize how much this was hurting him?

"…did he tell you?" he asked in his own somber tone, less quiet and painfully curious.

Alphonse looked really uncomfortable now and Roy felt bad but he wanted an answer, he wanted to know how much the blonde knew, what Ed had confided, as far as Roy knew they were closer than any average siblings by miles, but would Ed tell Al? Or would he have skirted the truth?

And how did Alphonse feel about it?

He needed to know what someone else felt, someone who wasn't on his side because Jean hadn't been very helpful and bias against Ed, so having Alphonse's opinion might help, he hoped. Was Ed's indiscretion forgivable? Was there room to move on, did the circumstances make allowances?

What circumstances? Roy didn't even know what he was trying to justify anymore.

There had been no circumstances, Ed had admitted his reason, he'd just fucking cheated, that's all there was.

The long and short of it.

"Yeah…he did." Alphonse was standing stiffly just inside the living room.

"What did he tell you?" Roy asked, anger surfacing now at his thoughts, never taking his eyes off the other man.

Alphonse clenched his jaw, but it was because he was feeling uncomfortable, there was not a trace of anger in his face…only pity and disappointment,

"He told me what he did, Roy." Alphonse looked at him now after having looked from side to side briefly.

Roy licked his dry lips, tasting whiskey,

"He told you that he cheated on me." He clarified.

Alphonse sighed quietly, round, sincere eyes averting again before he nodded tensely,

"Yeah."

Well. Lets see.

"For a year?"

The reaction was slow but strong, Alphonse's golden eyes widened as he looked at Roy, his mouth slackening just a bit before he blinked a few times, clearly stunned, and exhaled shortly,

"A…a…-" he couldn't even get the words out.

"A _year_." Roy repeated coldly.

Somehow this was revenge. It was so petty and yet he couldn't help himself, knowing how much and how deeply Edward valued Alphonse's feelings and opinion of him, Roy wanted this to hurt Ed, to make him really realize just how wrong what he'd done was by his younger brother's reckoning, the only person Edward truly answered to in the end.

Alphonse looked mortified for his brother's actions by this point and he was shaking his head, clutching his car keys tightly,

"Shit." Was all he managed after many terse seconds of silence.

Roy swallowed down the lump in his throat, his emotions resurfacing at the thoughts of Ed and the man he'd been cheating with.

All over a-fucking-gain.

"I'm so sorry, I don't know how he could…I can't believe he…" Alphonse kept shaking his head and Roy went for the clincher, a frown on his face,

"Did he tell you with whom?"

Alphonse looked at him sharply, his expression clearly read 'oh god, please not someone we know', because Roy's tone had implied it. Roy told himself it was for the best that Alphonse knew, because Edward needed to hurt,

"Aaron Hansen." He said stiffly, unable to help the nausea that came with saying that name.

Alphonse's eyes widened even further, his lips curling down into an incredulous, appalled frown before he looked like he was about to scream obscenities and it appeared to take all of his self-control **not** to, and Roy saw the past weekend's memory run across Al's face as his frown deepened and eyes darted from side to side, in his clever, clever mind he was piecing things together,

"Fuck, oh my god…" he looked at Roy again, "…is this my fault? What Ed did… and the break up, because of what I did?"

Roy frowned in confusion now, how the hell had Alphonse drawn that conclusion? Seriously, what was with the Elrics trying to take the blame for one another's mistakes. Fucking brother complex.

"I knew about Edward cheating on me long before this past weekend Alphonse," he sighed tiredly, swallowing nausea, "I just learned his name from you, which put things into perspective…" abruptly. That night had been so horrible, the images in Roy's mind. Their argument, Ed's voice and his face and his words.

Alphonse shook his head again, still frowning,

"No, not that, I mean…" he walked further into the living room to the nearest sofa and he sat down on the arm rest facing Roy, gesturing with his hands as he spoke sadly, "… **I** introduced them, I was the one who asked Ed to have drinks with us a few times, I was the one who told Ed that Aaron was a nice guy and that I thought they'd get along well, that they could be friends because they had some common interests…" he was sounding really guilty as he pressed his free hand into his eyes.

And Roy was staring at him, stomach tense and anger burning as he absorbed Alphonse's words. The introduction had probably been innocent on Al's part, yet still, maybe…in some round about way, nice guy fucking _Aaron_ was only in Ed's life because of Alphonse.

Roy shook his head, tempted to slap himself for thinking so stupidly. Alphonse was not at fault.

Edward had **cheated** and it had been his choice to do so, none of this had anything to do with **that**.

"They got along fine, but after a few times Ed didn't seem interested in hanging out with us anymore…" Alphonse sounded angry now, and confused, "…so I thought, but then he was…with Aaron…" he looked at Roy with sad eyes, "…I'm **so** sorry, I never thought…Edward could do something like _this_." He sounded disappointed and hurt and Roy felt a little better for it.

Because Alphonse was hurt and disappointed **in Edward.**

Roy tried to stop feeling so much gratification in the problems he was causing for Ed, because this was affecting Alphonse too,

"It's not your fault, or mines…Edward is the only one who is at fault." He mumbled gruffly, wanting to sit down, but too exhausted to move from where he stood. Alphonse kept shaking his head,

"I was so mad at him, shocked and furious when he told me what he'd done and that you'd broken up with him…I thought it'd been some kind of one time thing…" Alphonse sighed and scratched at his hair before gripping the back of his neck, "…but he sounded so fucking miserable on the phone that I didn't want to question or fight with him, but **this** , this is so much worse than I-…"

"On the phone?" Roy asked. Because that's what he heard in everything Alphonse was saying.

Alphonse looked at him again, gold eyes sincerely sad,

"Yeah, he called me on Thursday night and told me what happened, and then he asked me to come over when I had a chance, to get his things." He explained.

Roy felt like he couldn't breathe,

"You haven't seen him…since he left here?" he felt panic and anger and nausea clawing and twisting inside him.

Alphonse shook his head.

Roy blinked a few times,

"So where has he been staying?" he asked tensely.

Alphonse frowned,

"When I asked if he was at his apartment he said no, and when I told him to come and stay with me and Mei he just said no again, he said that he was staying with a friend."

**A friend.**

That was what Ed used to say when he was going out to meet up with fucking _Aaron Hansen_.

Roy felt like he might scream now.

"Roy, are you okay?" Alphonse asked worriedly.

Roy looked at the younger Elric sibling and unclenched his fists and jaw, this was not Alphonse's problem, this was Roy's, and this might have been just what he needed to finally make the decision to cut Edward out of his life.

"I'm…I'll be fine…Alphonse, please…do you think you could come back another time…" his voice was tight as he gestured to the foyer, wanting very much to be alone right then.

Alphonse stood up, looking worried for various reasons but he didn't hesitate to walk toward the foyer,

"Sure…maybe tomorrow, I'll…uh…I'll call first." He was saying as he walked.

Roy wondered just how angry he probably looked to make Alphonse look so wary of him, but it didn't matter right then. Once the front door closed and Roy heard the sound of Al's car start up and rumble away, he walked toward the foyer himself and pulled on a pair of his black dress boots, then grabbed his own car keys off the hook set mounted on the wall and he left the house.

Furious.

* * *

When Roy arrived at his destination he forced himself to appear calm so as not to draw any attention to himself. He walked into the apartment building and didn't bother to go to reception, he didn't need to ask for an apartment number, once he'd learned a name, finding out information in the past week at work had been the easiest and most nauseating thing.

Aaron Hansen, born in the South, both parents alive and successful, two younger sisters, perfect little family, graduated high school with honors and voted most likely to succeed by his fucking peers. What kind of sick joke was it that Roy would be cheated on by Edward fucking Elric, easily eligible as one of the most trauma-associated fucked up kids that had ever lived, with some text book fucking happy home, boy next door, academic stereotype who had the cleanest fucking record Roy had ever looked through for a twenty two year old?

Or maybe that was the appeal, maybe Roy being as fucked up as Ed was from the violence and death and misery they'd lived through, maybe that was what attracted Ed to the motherfucker. The son of a bitch had probably never even been in a god damned fight or tasted blood! How could Edward be attracted to **that**?

Because Aaron was such a nice, smart, young fucking guy with _common interests_? Ugh.

Roy wanted to make him taste blood…

He walked the destination hall after taking the stairs at a reasonable pace and he stopped when he reached the relevant apartment, with false calm Roy raised his hand and wrapped his knuckles on the dark wood door as evenly and normally as possible.

When he didn't hear anything after a few seconds he became irritable at the idea of _Aaron_ not being home right then and he knocked again, a bit louder, a bit harder.

Then there was a noise and the click and rattle of a latch and chain and then the door was pulled open.

In broad daylight Aaron Hansen was better looking than he'd been in the bad lighting of a crowded bar. And he really was young, he really looked it, fuck, his blue eyes were bright…a much brighter blue than Roy's dark blue eyes…

His blonde hair was mixed with tones of light and dark brown and it was untidy, sticking up in a way that was undoubtedly intentionally styled. His face was clean shaven and despite his defined jaw, he had an oval face. His skin was tanner than Roy's own pale complexion and he stood a just barely shorter than Roy, but that might have been because he was barefoot, wearing a tight tank shirt and jeans that revealed an average fit build, there was nothing particularly impressive about his lean frame.

But just because Roy could account for more definition in his own musculature, it did not make up for the fact that Aaron Hansen was fucking young and attractive and looking at him with disappointment and confusion.

"Can I help you?" he asked after awkward seconds of Roy glaring at him.

Right, back to the reason Roy was there in the first place, facing the fucking bastard who'd been sleeping with Edward for a fucking year.

"Where is he?" Roy asked in a low, clipped tone, his anger getting the better of him.

Aaron blinked and frowned,

"Who?" he sounded genuinely confused.

But Roy just kept thinking of Ed going out with _friends_ and Aaron had always been that friend, and he'd felt gut wrenching anger when he'd realized Ed hadn't been at home or staying with his brother and this was the only other place he could fathom Ed being.

And the idea, the very thought, of Ed leaving after they broke and coming to Aaron had been too fucking painful to ignore, he'd had to know, he'd had to see.

He walked in and Aaron barely managed to step out of the way lest he get shoved, looking annoyed now,

"Hey, what are you doing, who the hell are you?" he asked, glancing between Roy and his open door.

"Where is he?" Roy asked again, looking around the small apartment lounge until his eyes fell on an open doorway across the room through which he saw a bed.

Shit, the images came flooding back, standing in that apartment where Ed had been with _Aaron_ , cheating on him, fucking around with this young fucking novice in life…fuck!

When Roy headed toward the bedroom Aaron apparently found his balls because he grabbed Roy's shoulder to stop him,

"Hey, hey, stop! Whoever you're looking for -…"

Roy turned on him abruptly, the hand that had touched his tense shoulder looked inviting to break, but Aaron back stepped, wisely, and raised his hands in the air in a show of not wanting to fight.

What kind of pathetic fucking brat was this kid? Roy was invading his home and he wouldn't even fight? What did Ed **see** in him?

"I don't know who you're looking for, I don't even know you!" Aaron said quickly.

"Edward." Roy said in a steely voice.

Roy had expected shock but instead he received an expression of concern and _hurt_ , he looked wounded,

"Edward?" he repeated, voice lower, more withdrawn as he shrugged slightly and lowered his hands, "I haven't seen him or heard from him, he isn't here." He sounded like that really got him down as he glanced around his apartment.

Roy hated him. Roy hated him because Roy felt sorry for him…because he was hurting, because he'd believed Ed had been his when Ed had always really been Roy's.

Or had they been Edward's all along?

Aaron sighed and glanced from Roy to the open door again before he walked over to the door and pushed it closed. It was ridiculous that he wasn't telling Roy to get the fuck out, it might have been because he was such a nice fucking guy…but the desperation in his face when he regarded Roy again revealed he was hopeful that Roy could shine some light, answer some questions.

Innocent logic, he assumed Roy would know something he didn't.

Oh…yes, Roy knew.

He felt the tension in his shoulders lessen because Ed hadn't gone running to the young man he was looking at, who was the very picture of innocent and there wasn't a trace of hostility in his face as he shoved his hands into his back pockets and came to stand a few feet from Roy, who stood stock still and focused on Aaron's every move.

What would transpire? How would Aaron react when he found out who Roy was, what Edward had been doing?

"You're looking for Ed, are you a friend? Is something wrong, is he okay?" A friend, huh, how amusing and aggravating. Aaron was asking, genuinely concerned and Roy wondered how in love with Ed this poor fool was.

Roy blinked and looked away from Aaron before he clenched his fist around his car keys and turned to face the other man fully,

"Alphonse told me earlier that Ed called him, sounding miserable," he purposely started casually, familiarly, meanly, watching concern come over Aaron's features before he dealt the blow that had been dealt to him in a bar just a month ago, "I haven't heard from him all week…not since I broke up with him." He said firmly, coldly and set his most intimidating gaze on Aaron.

It was the face he used on people he didn't like and didn't trust, his face of calm intensity that warned 'don't fuck with me'. Rarely used.

Aaron looked worried, confused and then doubtful,

"Broke up with him?" he questioned and frowned, "What…who are you?"

Roy clenched his jaw and kept his eyes on Aaron, who was starting to look nervous,

"I'm the person Edward was cheating on…with **you.** " He said in a smooth, deep, cold tone and clenched his fists so tightly the keys were hurting his palm.

Aaron looked alarmed,  
"Cheating?" he said a bit loudly and then shifted, hands coming out of his pockets to gesture his disbelief, "What are you talking about, Edward…" he seemed hesitant to say but then went ahead, "…Ed is seeing me, we're going out, so I don't know what this is about…"

Roy felt his anger rising again at the use of present tense. He decided to crush Aaron's hopes and beliefs in Edward's relationship with him just because it'd make him feel better.

"A month ago I found out Edward was sleeping with you…" he swallowed tensely and forced his voice to stay even as he gave Aaron a distasteful once over, "…a month ago I told him to pick between you or me…" Roy was going to rub in it, even if this really wasn't Aaron's fault, "…he chose to stay with me and I told him to **never** see you again." He finished and Aaron looked winded, blue eyes wide, "Haven't seen him, have you?" Roy added cruelly.

For fucks sake, the kid looked really hurt and Roy hated him even more.

"I wanted to beat the **shit** out of you." Roy said so harshly and Aaron flinched and looked at Roy warily despite his clearly heartbroken expression, it was obvious he'd been smitten with Edward, if his pale complexion and elevated breathing was any indication to how upset he was,

"I…didn't know…he...I thought…" he was mumbling.

Roy looked away from Aaron, deciding he'd been cruel enough, the younger man's voice was cracking and he would be feeling that ache in his chest for days and weeks, Roy knew.

But then, Aaron seemed to find his second wind,

"This is bullshit! Edward wouldn't do this!" he raised his voice now, pointing angrily at the floor to punctuate his words, stepping forward and backwards on the spot in frustration, "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but I **know** Ed-…"

Roy's temper boiled over.

He came at Aaron quicker than the stupid brat could even register and grabbed him by his tight tank shirt, shoving him against the corner wall not far behind, hard enough to hurt before lodging his forearm to Aaron's throat, not hard enough to choke him, but enough to make him uncomfortable and look just a little scared.

Roy was nothing if not a master of his self-control, he'd only lost it once with Envy and Ed had been there to help bring him back to his senses, speaking of which,

"You don't fucking **know** Edward." He said harshly but not yelling at that close proximity, Aaron seemed stunned into stillness now, he barely squirmed, just breathed heavily and looked panicked and confused and distressed all at once, "I have **known** Edward for eight fucking years," Aaron exhaled shakily and frowned sadly, "three of which I have been in a _relationship_ with him." He wanted so badly to hit something, to burn something to a crisp, he so rarely lost his temper, vented his anger, "You want to know who the hell **I** am?" he said through clenched teeth, "I'm-…" and then he remembered why he couldn't lose his temper.

Because of who he was.

General Roy Mustang, the well-known Flame Alchemist.

And in a few more years, probably the Fuhrer.

Roy looked into Aaron's face with the words stuck in his sore throat, the younger man was obviously intimidated but he looked more upset emotionally than anything else. The anger deflated from Roy then and he stepped back, releasing Aaron who slumped against the wall and Roy ran a hand over his face and through his hair as he sighed heavily and clenched his eyes shut for a few seconds.

He knew he should apologize for very nearly assaulting this man who had done nothing to provoke him, as a General, a military man, but the idea of apologizing to the bastard who'd been sleeping with Edward, three nights a fucking week in the very apartment he was standing in, made him want to set the building on fire. Just burn this memory away.

"I don't get it…" Aaron's voice was weak and so confused, "…how did he…for a whole year, I had no idea…" Roy wondered if his own sad thoughts would have sounded that pathetic when said aloud, "…I mean, I thought it was strange that he didn't want me to tell Al, but everything else…it was so gre-…"

"Shut the fuck up." Roy snapped at him and Aaron flinched before letting himself slide down to sit on the floor, drawing his knees up and putting his arms across them so he could cradle his head. Roy couldn't stand there and listen to how fucking _great_ it had been, about how well Edward had deceived them both.

Shit, his chest hurt. Aaron probably felt the same, if not worse with the news so fresh.

They stood and sat in silence for a few minutes, Roy found himself wondering where Edward actually was, he found himself missing Edward in some bitter way, he found himself unable to look toward the bedroom again.

Because if he saw the layout and the color of the walls and bed covers, the undesired images in his head would only get worse and become far clearer.

Even so, even after having it out with Ed's lover, it didn't feel like it was over, because Edward was miserable somewhere and Roy had finished his little revenge vendetta, successfully having made things bad for Edward with Alphonse and _Aaron_. Revenge…

How petty. Still, it wasn't over…

"Stay away from Edward." He said audibly and Aaron looked up at him, eyes red with the strain of unshed tears, so he was really hurting, after a year with Edward it wasn't surprising.

Edward was so incredible and vivid and real, loving him was overwhelming.

Aaron looked slightly angry but in some way he obviously accepted that Ed was not his to argue over, because he looked down again and clenched his hands tightly on his bare forearms,

"I…I'm in love with him…" he croaked out.

Roy felt a pang of sympathy and he swallowed a sudden lump in his throat, he'd guessed, but the admission made it worse, it made it two of them…and Aaron was on the absolute losing end.

Because Roy, despite **all** of his insecurity over Ed's affair early on, knew now after finding out the details and meeting Ed's lover, that Edward would always choose Roy.

Roy was not inadequate in any way, Edward loved him, really loved him, wholeheartedly, intensely, truly, he'd meant it every time he said it, Roy hadn't been deluded, he'd never imagined the love in Edward's eyes and voice and feelings in the time they'd been together, that was all real. No, this fuck up had been caused by Edward's inadequacy, his emotional inadequacy, this mistake had been a shortfall on Edward's integrity and he knew that Edward Elric would, like he did with all of his mistakes, never forgive himself for it.

But he would spend the rest of his life trying to make up for it. Like he'd done for Alphonse. And like he would do for Roy…because Roy loved him just as much and needed him just as badly.

He couldn't let Edward go. It was not an option, despite his blinding anger and loathing, it had never really been an option.

He'd needed some time away from Ed to think about it, to find his own closure to the mess of his mind and his feelings, and now he'd move on. Now he'd forgive.

Roy glanced at Aaron a final time, the younger man had his head pressed into one hand, mouth downturned and he looked like he'd be crying once Roy left, so the General decided to leave him to it, just as soon as he asked one last question,

"Did Edward ever tell you he loved you?"

Aaron broke then, a half sob and half a laugh,

"…no…no he didn't…" he sounded resentful, ah, Roy had been living that pain, "…would you just get out." Aaron said as firmly as he could in a wavering emotional voice.

And Roy didn't disrespect his request.

* * *

Roy let himself into his house feeling exhausted that late afternoon.

The day had been long and yet it wasn't nearly over, the sun had yet to set and he had another night to spend alone in his and Edward's bed. Until tomorrow, when he'd try and find out where Ed was staying and he'd go find him so they could talk.

And they'd try to start over. Because Edward would want to, they both would.

He was making his way straight over to his liquor cabinet, only to stop walking when his eyes fell on none other than Edward, sitting on the sofa, hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. It wasn't alarming to see him inside the house, he had a set of keys, this was after all his house too.

Or at least, Roy had offered to share it with him. But Ed had kept his apartment. He decided right then that if they were going to move past this, that apartment would have to go.

Roy inhaled, taking in a breath to begin the conversation that had to be had, but Ed cut him off, not raising his head or his voice, his bangs covering his face as his ponytail hung limply down along his spine and his shoulders looked tense beneath his black sweater,

"You told Alphonse…you told him _everything_." He breathed out, his voice sounded raw and scratchy, like he'd been yelling.

Roy assumed he and Alphonse had probably argued.

He didn't respond, feeling the heavy weight of guilt settle in his guts at the hoarseness of Ed's voice and then when Ed raised his head and Roy saw his red slightly puffy eyes he felt like a complete shit.

It hadn't been Alphonse's business to know the details of Ed's affair, Roy had told him just to hurt Ed.

Ed exhaled shakily as he stared at Roy,

"I told him I cheated on you, I told him what I did…and he was already so angry at me…" Ed's voice cracked and pitched as his eyes watered. If anyone could make Ed cry it was Alphonse.

Shit.

"…he didn't need to know everything," Ed clenched his teeth to stifle a sob but it didn't work, "I told you I was sorry, Roy, I did what you wanted, I even left when you told me to…" Ed was saying in between breaths and sobs, his eyes shutting out some tears as he looked down between his legs at his boots and Roy felt like a hand was squeezing his heart, "…now Alphonse isn't talking to me, he told me he was disgusted that I could do something like that, he told me I was a horrible person to do that to you…" his voice was wavering, strained, weak and then almost lost in his throat, he was struggling to talk.

Roy felt a lump rise in his throat and his eyes watered slightly.

"I know…I fucked up…I know…and I'm sorry…" Ed said quietly and unevenly and pressed his face into his hands, "…but Al didn't need…ugh…he'll never look at me the same…" Ed gripped his bangs and sobbed again, "…he was so _angry_ at me."

Did Edward deserve this pain? It hadn't been between him and his brother…

Roy swallowed sorely and felt like he'd fucked up too.

Edward sniffed then, wiping his arm across his face as he got to his feet and didn't make eye contact with Roy,

"You wanted to hurt me right," he said shakily, "I had it coming…right…" he didn't sound angry even as he clenched his straight white teeth, "…well you did…it…" his swallowed a sob, "…you did it, Roy, you hurt me." he huffed and sniffed and then turned around and walked around the couch in the opposite direction of Roy.

"I left the house keys on the coffee table…" this was said shakily as well, he was leaving and Roy couldn't breathe. Ed picked up a suitcase that had been standing at the bottom of the staircase, sniffing, wiping roughly at his eyes all the while.

Roy couldn't let him go.

"Edward…" he said gruffly, his own throat tense and eyes red. Edward didn't stop walking and Roy followed him into the foyer quickly, "Yes, alright!" Roy admitted as he came to stop in the entrance, grimacing, grabbing a handful of his hair and Ed stopped with his hand on the door handle, "I wanted to hurt you, I wanted to because you didn't realize what this was doing to me, it was crushing me…" he went on admitting, "…my trust in you, my self-esteem, I was second guessing everything and suspicious and resentful and I kept seeing you with him in my head when you touched me or I touched you and I couldn't…you just…didn't seem like it was affecting you!" he yelled the last part.

Edward turned to look at him, defeated and clearly not with an ounce of fight in him,

"I learned the hard way, Roy, that once you make a mistake you can never go back…you can only try to keep moving forward." He said it sadly, blatantly honest because it was true.

It was an Elric rule of life.

"I'm sorry if I didn't seem like it affected me…" Edward sniffed, voice still hoarse as he clutched his suitcase, "…but it **did** , I knew you had trouble looking at me, I know when I touched you it made you uncomfortable. But all I could do was keep t-ry…ing…" his voice cracked on the last word and he looked to the floor, licking his pale dry lips.

Roy stared at him, swallowing thickly and clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides.

"And it wasn't enough…" Ed breathed out, repeating Roy's words.

Roy sniffed lightly,

"It wasn't…but then…" he amended quickly because Ed reached for the handle of the door again, "…I went to see Aaron Hansen."

"…fuck." Ed exhaled and leaned against the door, shoulder first and then the side of his head, "He didn't do anything wrong, Roy…did you hit him?"

Ed still protected the innocent apparently.

Roy would have liked to think Ed was underestimating his willpower, but he'd come so close to physically assaulting Aaron that he couldn't even deny it,

"I almost did…" he admitted tensely, "…I wanted to, but I only hurt him with words in the end." He looked at Ed, wanting to see his reaction, "I told him everything, too." He admitted.

He didn't know what he expected Ed to do or say, but apparently telling Aaron didn't bother Ed because he just sniffed and pushed off the door again, looking as exhausted as Roy felt,

"Better for him, now he'll move on." Ed muttered.

"That's it?" Roy asked, feeling annoyed that Ed showed no emotion yet again, "You're not upset?"

Ed looked at him now, his lips were dry and when he parted them to speak they unstuck slowly,

"Upset? Did you think I'd be upset because I wanted to go back to him?"

Bingo.

Roy averted his gaze and Ed didn't get mad, he didn't laugh, or sob or do much other than sigh tiredly,

"I told you it was over, I meant it." He pushed the door handle down and let in an early evening breeze that pushed his bangs back from his gorgeous tear stained face and Roy stepped forward,

"And I know that now, I got my closure…even if it sounds _stupid_ , I felt…better after I…" he scowled, "…put him in his place." He shook his head and stared at Ed's side profile.

Shit, he'd behaved so pettily.

"Put him in his place?" Ed asked with a tired frown.

Roy nodded,

"I told him to stay away from you…" because your _mine_. He didn't say it, but his tone implied it.

Edward stared at him. Just stared. And sniffed. And blinked and swallowed and the breeze moved his bangs lightly against his face.

Roy stepped closer again,

"I shouldn't have told Alphonse what I did." He admitted, "For that and only that, I'm sorry." He clenched his jaw.

Edward visibly teared up again, probably reminded of his sibling's disgust and anger.

Edward moved to walk out and Roy said it, there was no avoiding it now,

"Stay…" he took another step closer only two feet left between them now.

Edward looked at him again, golden red rimmed eyes a little wider and frowning confused and stressed,

"Why? What's changed?" he breathed out, "I still did what I did, that'll always, _always_ be there, in your head, between us." Ed wasn't accusing, he was distressing, accepting his mistakes and his guilt.

He was so fucking beautiful, so raw when he was hurting.

Roy stepped forward again, closing the gap as he raised a hand to the door frame and pushed it shut, bringing him chest to chest with Edward, their eyes just shy of being level. And Ed frowned as his eyes continued to water, he sniffed softly and looked from Roy's eyes to his nose to his mouth and back up again, breath shaky and emotions running high.

"Because…" Roy said it now, after a tense swallow, because he honestly felt it, the weight on his shoulders and the clouds in his mind were gone and Edward was standing before him like an open book, honest and needing and hurting and regretful and this was what Roy had needed to see, "…I forgive you." He brought his hands to cup Ed's gorgeous face and Roy traced his thumbs and fingers over Ed's damp cheeks, warm from exertion and stress, and he brushed Ed's bangs back behind his ears as he looked into Ed's eyes, from which a few more tears slipped.

"I love you so fucking much, Edward." He said quietly, really feeling it.

"I hurt you." Edward sobbed and clenched his jaw.

"And I forgive you." He said again, because Ed needed to hear those words.

Then he kissed Ed's sticky dry lips and Ed's breathing hitched because he couldn't breathe properly through his nose after crying, but he pressed into it anyway and Roy heard his suitcase drop to the floor before hands settled on his flanks and fingers curled into his wrinkled shirt in a tight grip.

When he pulled back from the simple but very needed kiss, Ed licked his lips and pressed his face into the side of Roy's neck, arms encircling his torso as Ed sobbed against his skin and Roy held him tight, relief and possessiveness flooding his system because Edward was his and Edward was **staying**.

"I love you, I'm so sorry…for what I did, I love you so much…" Ed was sobbing the words against his neck and it was just what Roy needed to hear, true remorse, true regret, Edward hadn't wanted to hurt him.

But you can't always be the good guy, you can't always be the hero.

Ed was human, he was still just a human who could have bad judgment like every other person. Roy understood because while he's own mistakes in life had been different and varied and some much worse than relationship problems, he was only human too.

Roy couldn't help shedding a few tears of his own as he held Ed tightly…to think he'd nearly given up on Edward. So stupid.

Edward had always said…never give up…keep moving forward.

And Roy didn't **ever** want to move forward without Edward Elric.

* * *

_You're the echoes of my everything,_   
_You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night._   
_You're the laziness of afternoon,_   
_You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom._   
_You're the leaky sink of sentiment,_   
_You're the failed attempts I never could forget._   
_You're the metaphors I can't create to comprehend this curse that I call love..._


End file.
